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cookies.txt
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1995-09-04
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%%%
%%% cookies.txt
%%% J÷rgen Grahn
%%% 1995
%%%
%%% Another fortune cookie file, partly collected from the best of
%%% some wide-spread cookie files, plus a fair number collected by me.
%%%
%%% As you may notice, this file doesn't follow normal 'cookie' syntax
%%% conventions. I have improved my cookie 2.0 program to use:
%%% 1. One or more '%%' rows as separator, with optional trailing
%%% comments
%%% 2. separator _before_ each entry
%%% It should be easy to convert from this extended syntax, if you have
%%% a text editor with macro capability.
%%%
%%% Some inferior cookies are commented out, or else the author/source
%%% is commented out for some reason. My convention is to use '%%%'
%%% for that purpose.
%%%
%%% Featured personalities include:
%%% Adolf Hitler, Afrika Bambaata, Andy Partridge, Berthold Brecht, Billy
%%% Bragg, Captain Beefheart, Carolyn Scheppner, Dante, David Cronenberg,
%%% Dijkstra, Don Knuth, Eddie Meduza, Frank Herbert, Frederick Brooks Jr,
%%% Fritz Leiber, George Orwell, Holly Johnson, J D Salinger, Jeanette
%%% Winterson, John Cage, Joseph Conrad, Juha Valjakkala, Karl Marx, Laurie
%%% Anderson, Leonard Cohen, Ludwig Wittgenstein, Mark E Smith, Matt Johnson,
%%% Michael Moorcock, Molly Ringwald, Nivek Ogre, Olof Lagercrantz,
%%% P O Enquist, Ronald Reagan, Sarah Cracknell, Sid Vicious, Steve Meretzky,
%%% Thomas Tidholm, Tore Berger, Ulf Lundell,
%%% William S Burroughs, William Shatner
%%% and many others.
%%%
%%% Subjects of the cookies include socialism, Star Trek, anti-american
%%% activities, necrophilia, Melrose Place, pedophilia, cannibalism,
%%% coprophilia, Beavis & Butt-head, Bananarama, nazism, torture,
%%% hallucinogenic drugs, programming, schizofrenia and the imminent
%%% coming of Antichrist.
%%%
%%% If you're not comfortable reading about these things, this
%%% cookie collection may not be for you.
%%%
%%%
%%% Swedish cookies - ignore them or delete them if you don't know
%%% that language.
%%%
%%%
Sesσ, lilla snigel, jag ska inte lΣgga dig i vinΣger
ett exemplar av den sΣllsynta vinhΣgern
Jonas Grahn
%%
ut i kylan
du stimker ÷l
ut i kylan
vad g÷r jag nu?
tar mig en iskall ÷l
snor mig en iskall bil
drar igσng
och k÷r rakt in i helvetet
Nationalteatern: Ut i kylan
%%%
%%% ut i kylan
%%% jag och min ÷l
%%%
%%% in i vΣrmen
%%% finns mina vΣnner
%%% in i vΣrmen
%%% kunde vi va'
%%%
%%% om vi hade en egen gσrd
%%% dΣr vi kunde ta hand om varann
%%% dΣr vi inte
%%% k÷r ut varann
%%% ut i kylan
%%%
%%% Nationalteatern: Ut i kylan
%%
ut i kylan
jag och min ÷l
in i vΣrmen
Nationalteatern: Ut i kylan
%%
MONTESSORI - SKOLAN I TIDEN
slogan, Falk÷pings karneval 1995
%%
Livet pσ Ranstad Σr hσrt. SΣnd mig Satans Son.
%%
- Vad lyssnar du mest pσ?
- Jag Σr ALL─TARE.
Gyminstrukt÷r, intervju i "Musikjournalen" 1995-07-24
%%
Jag lyssnar vΣldigt mycket pσ radio. Jag tycker det finns sσ mycket pσ
radio numera sσ man beh÷ver egentligen... inte sσ mycket... egen musik.
Gyminstrukt÷r, intervju i "Musikjournalen" 1995-07-24
%%
Hela hennes f÷rflutna uppl÷st. Salongen som det krΣvt sσ lσngt tσlamod f÷r
att ordna. M÷blerna hade inte placerats dΣr av nσgon mΣnniska, av nσgon
m÷belhandlare, utan av tiden. Dessa m÷bler - de m÷blerade inte salongen
utan hennes liv. Man kan dra fσt÷ljen lΣngre frσn den ÷ppna spisen och
spegelbordet lσngt frσn vΣggen. Och med detsamma Σr det som om allt hade
kantrat utanf÷r det f÷rflutna och f÷r f÷rsta gσngen hade ett naket ansikte.
Antoine de Saint-ExupΘry: Postflyg Syd
(1929, ÷vers. 1960 Gunnar Ekel÷f)
%%
Det kanske Σr deras jobb. Men, som sagt, det kind of sucks.
Lett i tullen, Sveriges Radio
%%
Den b÷gda σ den lufta vell en fre'a
frσ intrσng utifrσ, σ frσ f÷rdarv
Den fria, vi'a slΣtta Σ _vσrt_ arv,
σ vi s'a bruka'na mΣ plog σ harv,
um hΣr s'a va σ bli n⌠ skeck σ re'a
John Liedholm: "Falb÷dga" (Genum le't, 1945)
%%
Och sσ har vi ju henne Pamela Anderson i ''Baywatch''.
Och om vi tar nσgra svenska motsvarigheter... Alice Bah?
Nile City, f÷rsta avsnittet
%%
Den som har nσnting att d÷lja ropar pσ f÷rstΣrkt polis.
Nationalteatern: BΣngen trσlar
%%
- Vet du vad jag tycker om, Buffy? Jag tycker om att promenera i regnet...
att titta pσ gl÷den i en ÷ppen spis... Jag tycker om hundvalpar... kalla
h÷stmornar... gamla mΣnniskor som hσller varandra i handen... Jag gillar
moln som ser ut som slott... gamla, utslitna krambj÷rnar... bebisar som
har smilgropar... Ja gi...
- Arnold?
- Ja, Buffy?
- Vad sΣger du om _jag_ betalar _dig_ 50 spΣnn i minuten f÷r
att _inte_ ringa mej?
''Ernie'' av Bud Grace
%%
Ta den hΣr broschyren och se vad den handlar om. Under tiden
kanske du frσgar dig sjΣlv ''─r jag en lycklig ko''?
Gary Larson
%%
"De smσ ljuvliga barnen ler mot oss i annonserna - och jag ryser av obehag."
%%
Idag ropar man pσ etik. Familjen uppvΣrderas. Men sΣrskilt oroar man sig
÷ver det tilltagande vσldet och den utbredda oΣrligheten. Det Σr inte sσ
underligt att nΣringsliv och f÷rsΣkringsbolag gσr i spetsen f÷r en moralisk
renΣssans. Det Σr ju dΣr man hσrdast ser konsekvenserna av vσld,
vandalisering och bedrΣgeri. Moralisk nedrustning Σr en mycket dσlig
affΣr.
ledare, tidningen Dagen
%%
Det gelatin vi anvΣnt de senaste σrtusendena har tillverkats av oΣtliga
benrester och frσn b÷rjan lortiga gamla djurhudar. Ekot kunde lika gΣrna
kommit med ett avsl÷jande nyhetsreportage om att det anvΣnts exkrementer
f÷r att odla gr÷nsaker som serverats skolbarn i Sverige.
Jan Myrdal, Aftonbladet februari 1995
%%
25 timmars rus - sedan kommer hallucinationerna
%%
%%%Ecstasy betraktas av lΣkarexpertisen som en mycket farlig drog.
%%%Den angriper nervbanorna och pσverkar ÷verf÷ringen av nervimpulser.
%%%Redan ett mycket kortvarigt missbruk ger bestσende hjΣrnskador.
%%%
%%% Richard Aschberg: "25 timmars rus - sedan
%%% kommer hallucinationerna"; artikel i Aftonbladet
%%% frσn slutet av 1980-talet
%%
Jag vill svara att det var vi f÷re vΣnsterkrafternas sσ kallade
''revolution'' i Sverige, strax efter andra vΣrldskriget dσ alla gamla
traditioner och levnadsregler trampades ner och f÷rkastades. Det hette
inte lΣngre bilst÷ld utan billσn, och inte stjΣla utan snatta och det var
synd om de som stal. Ty de hade fattiga f÷rΣldrar och var samhΣllets
olycksbarn. Att ha ett samvete var farligt, unga mΣnniskor f÷rst÷rdes om
de bar pσ ett sσdant.
[---]
Palmeskolan, med regering pσ 50--60-talet, med sin ansvarsl÷sa politiska
lagstiftning har bΣddat f÷r lagl÷shet och korruption i vσrt land. Det
beh÷vs inga utredningar f÷r att konstatera det.
[---]
Vi var arbetande och Σrliga innan dess, men vσrt arbete belades med
straffskatt under benΣmningen ARBETSGIVARAVGIFTER och Σrligheten bel÷nades
inte [---]
Birgit Martinsson, 73 σr
InsΣndare i SJ:s tidning Tur & Retur
%%
Sniglarna kommer
sniglarna d÷r
sniglarna kommer
oftast fram nΣr det Σr bl÷tt
%%
Elisabet H÷glund Σr en nΣbbgΣdda. Hon borde ta semester.
Thomas Tidholm
%%
%% Kaktus 30:3
%%
Hvis man k°ber Echinofossulocactus coptonobonus fr° hos K÷hres og sσr det,
sσ spirer der 2 coptonobonus, 2 Mammillaria, 2 smσ Notocactus og 3 andere
Echinofossulocactus. Det er da i orden at de fejer gulvet dernede i
Erzhausen, men de beh°ver ikke at komme opfejningen i fr°poser, men
selvf°lgelig, der er penge i skidtet.
Gunnar Ravn
%%
Slaveriet lσter sig stegras betydligt, om man ger det ett sken av frihet.
Ernst Jⁿnger
%%
NΣr TV-reklamen idiotf÷rklarar dig, hur mσr du?
Reklam f÷r Konsum
%%
- Men Janne, i den _f÷rra_ skolan. hade ni data dΣr?
- NΣ. det var _antroposofer_ och skit, dom var blomfixerade.
Det var bara _skit_; sσn tur att den skiten Σr ÷ver.
Sveriges Radio P1, intervju med dyslektisk pojke
%%
Att se ner pσ folk som bor i radhus, bara f÷r att dom varken har rσd med en
bostadsrΣtt pσ ╓stermalm eller villa i mexitegel vid nσgon liten insj÷, det
tycker jag Σr en oerh÷rd snobbism. (---) Men hellre bor jag i radhus Σn
instΣngd i nσn hyreslΣgenhet med bara en liten _balkong_!
Karin Mannheimer i Stormvarning, Sveriges Radio P3 1995-05-18
%%
du kan kalla mig fikus, feg och unken
jΣmf÷ra min syster med heffaklumpen
kalla mej sucker det g÷r det samma
men inte ett ord om min mamma
Just D
%%
Vill man inte anpassa sig, fσr man passa sig - shit!
Hσrmoussereklam med Niclas Wahlgren i Nya Okej,
nσgon gσng kring 1985
%%
"Det ser ut som om kvinnor har ÷veranpassat sig till
mΣnnens villkor i arbetslivet."
Kvinnlig psykologiprofessor tolkar en unders÷kning som visar
att kvinnliga chefer beter sig som feministerna tror att
manliga chefer beter sig, och vice versa
(TT 1995-05-09)
%%
jag ser dagen komma
dom svaga fσr kraft
vΣrlden stσr klar och frisk igen
och det var jΣvligt lΣngesen
Kjell H÷glund
%%
det Σr tungt att gσ och tungt att tΣnka
det Σr tungt att bΣra och att vakna
varje morgon har en bitter bismak
Kjell H÷glund: Politikens olycksbarn
%%
men innerst inne vet vi att vi luras
att nσgonting har desarmerat oss
att vi σker snσlskjuts pσ dom andra
som avbrutet reser sig och slσss
Kjell H÷glund: Politikens olycksbarn
%%
G÷r uppror mot ÷verheten,
ty ÷verheten har fel;
det finns bara ett sΣtt att r÷ra sig framσt och
det Σr att r÷ra sig framσt tillsammans.
Kjell H÷glund
%%
Den hΣr lσten handlar inte om Σlgjakten,
utan om jakt pσ _riktiga_ mΣnniskor...
Lars Aldman (Bommen: F242: Headhunter)
%%
%% 1995-05-03
PRO-MAX -- potensmedlet f÷r mΣn
En helt ofarlig natusprodukt som ger en lσngvarig och
kraftig erektion och Σven f÷rhindrar f÷r tidig utl÷sning.
1 f÷rpackning rΣcker ca 1 mσnad.
reklam i Femmans text-TV
%%
"Du bereder mig ett bord i mina ovΣnners σsyn"
%%
Yage kan vara den slutgiltiga fixen.
Bill Burroughs
%%
Jag satt dΣr och vΣntade pσ att det skulle ge nσgot resultat och fick
nΣstan omedelbart en impuls att sΣga: "Det dΣr var inte nog. Jag beh÷ver
mer." Jag har lagt mΣrke till den hΣr of÷rklarliga impulsen vid de tvσ
tillfΣllen nΣr jag fick en ÷verdos av junk. Bσda gσngerna innan sprutan
b÷rjade verka sa jag: "Det hΣr var inte nog. Jag beh÷ver mer."
Bill Burroughs: Yagebreven
%%
Folkvandringar, otroliga fΣrder genom ÷knar och djungler och berg
(stagnation och d÷d i slutna bergsdalar dΣr vΣxter spirar upp ur Klippan
och vΣldiga krΣftdjur klΣcks inuti och knΣcker kroppens skal), ÷ver Stilla
Havet i en utriggarkanot till Pσsk÷n. Den Sammansatta Staden dΣr alla
mΣnskliga m÷jligheter ligger utbredda i en vΣldig tyst marknad.
Bill Burroughs: Yagebreven
%%
Det fanns en pojke i staden som en gσng hade fungerat som vΣgvisare σt en
amerikansk biolog. Den hΣr pojken var ortens Mister-specialist. Man
hittar en representant f÷r det hΣr plσgoriset vart man Σn kommer i
Sydamerika. De kan sΣga: "Hello Joe" eller "OK" eller "Fucky-fucky".
Mσnga av dem vΣgrar att tala spanska och inskrΣnker pσ sσ vis
konversationen till teckensprσk.
Bill Burroughs: Yagebreven
%%
Pojken kom och satte sig hos mig och b÷rjade tala om Mistern som samlade in
djur: "Han samlade spindlar och skorpioner och ormar." Jag halvsov, lullad
till s÷mns av den hΣr litanian, nΣr jag h÷rde: "Och han skulle ta mig med
sig hem till Staterna", och vaknade. ┼ gode Gud, tΣnkte jag, sσ han tΣnker
k÷ra med den gamla grejen.
Bill Burroughs: Yagebreven
%%
Det kommer en dag nΣr ni alla ocksσ blir lika ensamma och olyckliga.
Olle ┼ngest (serie av Gunnar Lundkvist)
%%
%% HΣr b÷rjade de svensksprσkiga "cookiesarna" frσn b÷rjan,
%% innan jag b÷rjade lΣgga pσ dem baklΣnges
%%
- Kommer du ihσg nΣr vi var pσ lΣgret, Karl, och vi smet f÷r att
k÷pa en glass med marshmallows?
- Jag heter inte Karl...jag Σr bara en hund.
- Jag har tΣnkt pσ den tiden sσ ofta... Ibland g÷r mig livet
sσ f÷rvirrad...
- Du Σr mer f÷rvirrad Σn du tror s÷tnos...
Snobben
%%
vad ÷nskar du dig f÷r nσnting i julklapp?
en fΣrgglad plastnapp?
en praktisk haklapp?
nσgra russin och en ÷
socker pσ din gr÷t?
Stockholm Norra: Vad ÷nskar du dig f÷r nσnting i julklapp?
%%
lika lite som man vΣljer sin frihet
lika lite vΣljer man bort den
makt krossas bara med ÷vermakt
och en frihet som hσller mσttet
kan bara skapas om makten vilar i massornas hΣnder
och frihetens villkor dikteras av
proletΣrer i alla lΣnder
Blσ Tσget: Makten och friheten
%%
om makten Σr en garanti
f÷r den heliga ΣganderΣtten
Σr det nσgra som delar vinsterna
medan andra fσr dela pσ svetten
Blσ Tσget: Makten och friheten
%%
mσnga historieb÷cker f÷rd÷mer
revolutionens terror
och rΣknar med stigande fasa
antalet galgar och b÷delskΣrror
men hur mΣter man slavarbete och svett?
den terror som Σr konstant
endast den of÷rutsedda d÷den
Σr tillrΣckligt intressant
Blσ Tσget: Makten och friheten
%%
%% Vσr fσgelvΣrld
%%
Vingen kΣnns pσklistrad.
%%
Blekingarna - ett frσn havet uppkrypande, svartmuskigt och
flatbottnat slΣkte, som skjuter allt utom krσkor och
skator, f÷r dom kan dom sura och snikna blekingarna inte Σta.
Bengt Berg
%%
Man kunde tro att estetik Σr en vetenskap som berΣttar f÷r oss
vad som Σr vackert - f÷r l÷jligt att ens kommentera. Jag antar
att detta borde inbegripa Σven vilket slags kaffe som smakar bra.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: F÷relΣsningar om estetik
%%
Antikommunismen var sedan lΣnge en storindustri, en militΣrt organiserad
religion med obegrΣnsade fonder och med en omΣttlig hunger efter nyheter om
÷vervσld och robotisering i de ÷stliga nationerna. NΣr nu pσ 60-talet ett
kritiskt ljus b÷rjade riktas σt andra hσll Σn mot kommunismen, greps de
kalla krigarna av σngest.
Olof Lagercrantz: Ett σr pσ 60-talet
%%
Gullvivor och backsippor som jag som liten gosse sett pσ Trebenabacken och
konvaljer och smultron som jag plockade pσ Kalvakullen tycks mig vara av
ett annat slag Σn de vΣxter med samma namn som jag ser pσ andra platser.
Jag misstΣnker de senare f÷r att vara av plast. Jag har en gσng sett
urgullvivan och den vΣxer i VΣsterg÷tland.
Olof Lagercrantz: Ett σr pσ 60-talet
%%
Inom vσra demokratier har vi ett antal diktaturer eller kanske Σr
oligarkier en riktigare benΣmning, vilka sΣgs vara de egentliga
skaparna av vσrt vΣlstσnd och framstegets garanter.
Olof Lagercrantz: Ett σr pσ 60-talet
%%
VΣrlden Σr rutten
det mesta mσste man ta stΣllning emot
Tore Berger
%%
Min far dog av ett kulhσl
han var en detektiv.
Skottstrider och slagsmσl
av sσnt bestod mitt liv.
Men sprΣngdeg, krut och whisky
det struntar jag nu i
jag lΣgger folk pσ soffan min
det Σr psykiatri!
Privatdetektiven Kant
%%
Men om det fortfarande finns mΣnniskor som lever dΣr
nere i vraket, Σr inte det dσ en anledning att b÷rja
bΣrgningen sσ snart som m÷jligt?
Kvinnlig programledare i Sveriges Radio P1,
morgonen efter Estonia-katastrofen
%%
Jimmy... sprΣngdeg... du kan vara fri
pσ nσgra sekunder.
Privatdetektiven Kant
%%
Pσ stora fΣrgaffischer ÷ver hela landet visas vackra, leende landskap med
sol och fina bondgσrdar och texten SVERIGES B╓NDER ─R F╓R EU. Pσ den ena
varianten stσr det att det Σr f÷r milj÷ns skull, pσ den andra att det Σr
f÷r landsbygdens.
Vi saknar en tredje, mer realistisk modell: Svensk landsbygd i regn med
f÷rtvinade granar, mack, gatuk÷k och fuktflΣckiga bondgσrdar i eternit
eller mexitegel med skrotbilar och gamla jordbruksmaskiner spridda pσ
tomterna och lortiga badkar pσ halvt igenvΣxta σkrar.
SVERIGES B╓NDER ─R F╓R EU, skulle det stσ. F╓R BIDRAGENS SKULL.
Aftonbladets kultursida, oktober 1994
%%
en helt vanlig dag
dr÷mde jag
och dr÷mmen var sann
boy-boy wallenberg har lΣmnat in
telefonen ringde
den ringde en dag
man sa som det var
ingenting mer blev sagt
hans spσr leder bort
genom djupa skogar
men minnet av honom
f÷rstulet blickar det ner pσ oss
Mats G Bengtsson/Gunder HΣgg: ingenting mera blev sagt
%%
ProletΣrer i alla lΣnder - f÷rena er!
%%
Alla bankdirekt÷rer, k÷pmΣn, kort sagt alla inkallade
sakkunniga lyck÷nskade varandra till de blomstrande och
sunda affΣrerna precis en mσnad innan krisen i augusti 1857
utbr÷t. Handeln Σr alltid kΣrnsund och affΣrsverksamheten
fortgσr pσ bΣsta sΣtt tills sammanbrottet pσ en gσng Σr ett
faktum.
Karl Marx: Kapitalet
(citerat i Aftonbladet under finanskrisen 1988-01-07)
%%
Jesus dog pσ korset, kan du vara sΣker pσ det,
om han nu Σr d÷d - varf÷r dyrkar dom honom,
det Σr ju enkelt att dyrka nσgot som inte finns till,
fittans..., fitta f÷r tro, den Σr oren,
vi Σr gudar, du lΣser den heliga bibeln,
den Σr ju rena sagan om ett 2 000 σr gammalt lik
Juha Valjakkala: 'Vi Σr gudar'
%%
Jag vill bruka knark, jag vill bruka l÷gner,
jag vill bruka vσld, jag vill vara utan kΣnslor,
jag vill begrΣnsa livet,
jag vill f÷rg÷ra f÷rΣldrarna,
skapa fram nya ljus i stΣllet, utan rΣdsla,
jag vill se sorg,
jag vill d÷ ung,
jag vill vara fullkomlig,
jag vill vara gemen,
jag vill gσ in i armΘn,
jag vill vara en hjΣlte,
jag vill vara en soldat,
jag vill d÷da mΣnniskor
Juha Valjakkala: 'Makt IV'
%%
arbetet Σr en mardr÷m ur vilken man inte kan vakna
Juha Valjakkala
%%
krackelerade tjej...
Bruno K ╓ijer
%%
finns det Σnglar?
kan dom komma?
har dom klΣnning?
ser man bena?
Thomas Tidholm: ─nglar
%%
...och dσ ringde jag min gode vΣn Erik Rosenberg i ╓rebro
och han sa "Har du fotograferat den?" "Ja, det har jag", sa jag.
"Skicka dσ kortet till mej sσ ska jag skicka det till Amerika", f÷r
det Σr ju dΣr --- f÷r beckasinsnΣppan Σr ju en amerikansk vadare.
%%
Dσ ska jag berΣtta f÷r dej vad han sa f÷r det kan vara roligt f÷r dej att
veta: om nΣbben Σr 3,5 ggr avstσndet frσn ÷gat till nΣbbroten sσ Σr det en
lσngnΣbbad annars Σr det bara 2,5 sσ ---
%%
...det var den andra i Sverige men den f÷rsta f÷r mej.
%%
...och det stσr dΣr i Vσr FσgelvΣrld:
"lσngnΣbbad beckasinsnΣppa Erik Nilsson"
%%
och dσ sa jag: det dΣr Σr ingen kortnΣbbad beckasinsnΣppa f÷r
den hade ju sσ lσngt nΣbb
%%
nΣ den har ju nΣstan svart (om t÷rnskatans stjΣrt)
%%
vi var pσ vΣg norrut pσ ÷n, Tord von Essen och jag och dσ fick vi se
fyra skσdare som stod och tittade pσ en isabellat÷rnskata
%%
- Det finns ju ingen annan med r÷d stjΣrt.
- NΣ det Σr ju bara den hΣr brun t÷rnskata dσ.
- Ja, jo den kΣnner jag till men den som var hΣr, menar jag,
och det var ju en isabellat÷rnskata, Lanius isabellinus.
%%
Den dΣr Jan von Br÷mssen ger jag inte heller mycket f÷r nΣr han inte kunde
godkΣnna den dΣr fjΣllugglan.
%%
(om fjΣlluggla)
Jag har ju sett 10--20 i fjΣllen --- och jag sσg ju ocksσ
den dΣr som var i M÷narp en vecka
%%
Ja, mikrofonerna verkar inte fungera sσ bra pσ TT,
σtminstone inte pσ den manliga sidan ---
%%
Socialist-slyngel!
Carl Bildt
%%
Nu ska du inte sΣja till mej som din mamma sa till dej
f÷r 15 - 20 σr sen!
%%
Och om du tar bort dom lΣngst ned i pyramiden, till exempel de med Downs
Syndrom, kommer det att finnas nσgra andra som hamnar lΣngst ner. Kanske
dom feta.
Galning i 'Det gΣller livet', P1
%%
NΣr jag var en liten flicka ville jag vara s÷t och snΣll och min styvfar
kallade mig blond Σngel nΣr han f÷rgrep sig pσ mig.
(---)
En dag stod jag pl÷tsligt dΣr b÷jd ÷ver handfatet med k÷kssaxen och
klippte loss lock f÷r lock, fΣrgade stubben r÷d och slΣngde sminket i
sopnedkastet. Mσlade tavlor, flammande av energi, som mΣnnen avskyr
och blev fri. (---)
Sign. "Svanen" pσ Aftonbladet Kvinna:s insΣndarsida 7 december 1994
%%
Dom hΣr smσ gubbarna Σr f÷rbannat levande.
%%
Tur och retur till dσrhuset,
tur och retur, tur och retur,
varf÷r l÷ser i inte enkel biljett,
vad springer i f÷r?
Luffarpiger och lasarettspiger...
%%
Folkilsken kΣring stσnga tjurn i B÷rstig i natt.
Sσ jΣvligt har det blivit.
%%
Redan innan det var aktuellt att avbryta uranbrytningen i Ranstad hade man
beslutat om att h÷ja Hornborgasj÷n med 180 cm. Motivet var att sj÷n skulle
bli en verklig fσgelsj÷ dit en mΣngd fσgelarter skulle s÷ka sig, bland
annat dykΣnder.
Sσ vitt jag vet Σr dykΣnder en kustfσgel.
Ingvar Andersson
PΣlsdjursuppf÷dare
%%
V─XER DITT VATTEN IGEN ?
Det finns en bra l÷sning pσ det ocksσ
GR─SKARP
Aneboda Aqua Service AB
Box 118, 360 30 Lammhult
%%
Nu luktar det BULLE i vattnet igen!
%%
Vi tror att du hittat en plats f÷r tjΣderspel.
Den finns men det fσr vara en hemlighet. Men den
som vistas mycket ute i skog och mark hittar
nog dit. Vill du h÷ra riktigt, b÷r du Σven hΣr
skaffa dig ett g÷msle. G÷r sσ hΣr samla ihop nσgra
grangrenar och ta en gammal filt.
"I Vσrbrytningen" (Falk÷pings Tidning 1991-03-21)
%%
Det pσstσs att dσ jΣgaren gσr med sin hund genom skogen
ser och h÷r han inte sσ mycket, som dσ han sitter pσ
passet. Sσ pσstσs det.
"I Vσrbrytningen" (Falk÷pings Tidning 1991-03-21)
%%
Nu f÷r tiden Σter inte folk det som
vΣxer pσ jorden. De Σter aprikoser!
%%
Yoga - som ju egentligen Σr en kukrunkarsport - men
det vσgar dom aldrig skriva...
Eddie Meduza
%%
-Det Σr vΣl ingen hemlighet att du knullar med kor?
-NΣ, men Ljungbacken fσr inte veta att jag knullar med Rosa,
f÷r dσ blir han svartsjuker.
Eddie Meduza
%%
Naturligtvis hade SkOF kunnat vΣlja att helt ignorera storkens
σterinf÷rande till f÷reningens verksamhetsomrσde. Det hade betytt
ytterligare nσgra steg pσ den vΣg dσ faunan manipuleras genom en diffus
smσf÷retagsamhet i viltuppf÷dning/-utslΣppning. PR-sinnade
turistintendenter, profitsugna fσgelfarmare, mσngsysslande jΣgare,
vΣlvilliga amat÷rer stσr i k÷ f÷r att fσ g÷ra en insats pσ det hΣr omrσdet.
Jan Danielsson; Vσr FσgelvΣrld 1986:1
%%
August Strindberg visar i sin bok 'TjΣnstekvinnans son' hur det
kan gσ om man har nσgon dogm.
David Floryd
%%
╓h, hur mycket sσnt dΣr Σr det i det hΣr?
David Floryd
%%
David, gσr inte din buss nu?
Anders Sj÷stedt, till David Floryd
%%
- David, skulle du vilja f÷lja med mej in pσ mitt rum lite?
- Nej, det vill jag inte.
- Jaha, men du mσste f÷lja med i alla fall.
Kurator Birgitta N÷tesj÷ till David Floryd
%%
Nu ska vi tala om problemet David Floryd.
Ingrid Jannert
%%
Nej, jag vill inte tala med dej f÷r du Σr ju _bibelsprΣngd_.
S÷ren Gustavsson till Maria Runesson
%%
- ...men henne har vi ju ingen kontroll ÷ver.
- Har vi kontroll ÷ver _nσgon_?
%%
Det var judarna som d÷dade Jesus.
%%
Tjejer i klimakteriet.
Radio Ellen: reportage om ''Femidomen''
%%
─t mj÷lkasopper med, din lσngnΣbba!
Folkskr÷na #285
%%
Kjell skrattade inte. Han var deppig. Den ene efter den andre f÷rs÷kte
tr÷sta honom med f÷rslag om t.ex. videofilm, fotboll eller k÷p av dator.
Det Σr framtiden! Men inget nappade han pσ. Dσ kom Angela Johansson in
och sken som en sol. Hon hade ett stort r÷tt hjΣrta som hΣngde om halsen,
dΣr det stod JESUS. Det provade Kjell och dσ blev han glad!
Artikel i Falk÷pings Tidning, december 1992
%%
...dessa Σr inte f÷r att jag ska se ut som en jΣvla mafioso utan
Σkta slipade; jag Σr en GLAS╓GONORM!
Eddie Meduza, Folkets Park, Falk÷ping
%%
Jag har sjΣlv bott i Falk÷ping en gσng i tiden, pσ Wetterlinsgatan.
Eddie Meduza, Folkets Park, Falk÷ping
%%
Hej, era jΣvla Falk÷pingsb÷nnnnnerrrrrrr!
Eddie Meduza, Folkets Park, Falk÷ping
%%
Om jag ser lite tr÷tt ut beror det pσ att jag runkat 3 gσnger idag.
Eddie Meduza, Folkets Park, Falk÷ping
%%
...ambras. Och det Σr en ande som kommer ner via en
person som heter Sture Johansson.
New-Age-mΣssa i Stockholm
%%
...orkar fan inte lΣsa norska och danska och skitihelvete
Torbj÷rn Gustafson, om en norsk enkΣt om sσngsvan och mellanskarv
%%
...vi sΣtter ett djΣvla kors f÷r den djΣveln
Torbj÷rn Gustafson om Erik Nilsson
%%
men den dΣr lΣrkfalken som Erik Nilsson hade 15 mars skriver jag _inte_ in
POB om en Erik Nilsson-obs
%%
Dσ uppstΣllde sig visserligen frσgan: kan man ÷verhuvudtaget utrota
andliga idΘer med svΣrdet? Kan man bekΣmpa ''vΣrldsσskσdningar'' med
brutalt vσld?
(---)
F÷restΣllningar och idΘer liksom r÷relser med en bestΣmd andlig grundval,
den mσ vara falsk eller sann, kan under en viss period av sin utveckling
brytas ner genom maktmedel av teknisk art, nΣmligen i de fall dσ bΣrarna av
dessa vapen sjΣlva samtidigt representerar en tΣndande tanke, en idΘ eller
en vΣrldsσskσdning.
AnvΣndningen av vσld ensamt, dvs. utan en andlig grundf÷restΣllning som
drivkraft eller f÷rutsΣttning, kan aldrig f÷rinta en idΘ eller hindra dess
utbredning, om man inte noga ser till att varenda bΣrare av idΘn och
vartenda dokument som r÷r densamma bringas ur vΣrlden. Detta betyder att
en del av statskroppen f÷r lσng tid framσt, kanske f÷r alltid, hindras frσn
att fσ tilltrΣde till kretsar av maktpolitisk betydelse.
Adolf Hitler stΣller i "Mein Kampf" upp riktlinjerna f÷r brΣnn-
mΣrkningen av ÷sttyska intellektuella i det nutida Stor-tyskland.
%%
MΣnniskor har ett sΣtt att ta f÷r givet, att allt arbete utf÷rs f÷r ett
gott Σndamσl. De ser nσgon utrΣtta ett obehagligt arbete, och de tror att
de har l÷st problemet genom att sΣga, att det arbetet Σr n÷dvΣndigt.
Kolbrytning, till exempel, Σr ett hσrt arbete, men det Σr n÷dvΣndigt --
vi mσste ha kol. Att arbeta i kloakerna Σr otrevligt, men nσgon mσste
arbeta i kloakerna. Och likadant Σr den med en plongeurs arbete. En del
mΣnniskor mσste Σta pσ restauranger, och dΣrf÷r mσste andra mΣnniskor diska
σttio timmar i veckan.
George Orwell: Down and out in Paris and London
%%
Dσ instΣller sig frσgan varf÷r tiggare Σr f÷raktade -- f÷r de Σr f÷raktade,
vΣrlden runt. Jag tror att det Σr sσ av den enkla anledningen att de inte
lyckas f÷rtjΣna ett hyggligt levebr÷d. I praktiken bryr sig ingen om ifall
ett arbete Σr nyttigt eller onyttigt, produktivt eller parasitiskt; det
enda som krΣvs Σr att det ska vara l÷nsamt.
George Orwell: Down and out in Paris and London
%%
I allt det nutida talet om energi, effektivitet, samhΣllsnytta och en
massa annat, vad σsyftas egentligen utom detta: ''TjΣna pengar, tjΣna dem
lagligt och tjΣna mΣngder''? Pengar har blivit det stora kriteriet pσ dygd.
George Orwell: Down and out in Paris and London
%%
Jesus var en kille med en hΣftig bil
han k÷rde sin Cheva mσnga tusen mil
en dag sa det slurp det var soppan som tog slut
Jesus var tvungen att stiga ut
Dom Dummaste
%%
nΣr Jesus h÷rde de orden vΣnde han om
han stod inf÷r en stad som pσ soppa var tom
dσ h÷rde han en stΣmma inom sig som sa:
min son du fσr f÷rs÷ka i USA
men Σnglarna bara skΣmdes och dog
nΣr Jesus till Guds eget land nu drog
New York vad ÷delagt mil efter mil
sσg ut som om Satan sΣnt en missil
bland ruiner och spillror han vandrade och sa:
SOPPAN ─R SLUT NU I USA!
Dom Dummaste
%%
Va fan var det f÷r automateld i Naglarp?
Zetterstr÷m, djurhandlare i Kinnarp
%%
"FΣrre men bΣttre!"
%%
SΣg σt dom att hissa flaggorna. ALLA flaggorna!
Beckander
%%
Douglas Adams - "Liftarens guide till galaxen".
Det hade jag inte lΣst annars.
<< Boken fσngade mig bara bitvis. Det Σr svσrt att minnas vad
den tekniska utvecklingen var dσ, 1979. Men det verkar vara en
ganska lyckad fantasigissning om framtiden. Jag kommer inte att
lΣgga ner nσgon m÷da pσ att lΣsa fortsΣttningen.>> [skratt]
Men _Inger AlfvΘn_ fσngade mig verkligen...
BibliotekariekΣrring lΣser alla b÷cker och b÷rjar pσ A.
(Sveriges Radio P1 14/3 1995)
%%
DΣr han stod i Humlegσrden med facklorna
flammande dΣr framme tyckte han sig pl÷tsligt vara omgiven av
ett fientligt samhΣlle, styrt av mΣnniskor med makt och pengar,
tyckte sig omgiven av mΣnniskor som okritiskt lΣste tidningarna
och mekaniskt reagerade med vrede, ursinne, glΣdje, f÷rtjusning,
sorg, f÷rakt, likgiltighet, allt beroende pσ vilken knapp de dΣr up-
pe hade tryckt pσ. "Dom som stod dΣr hade fan inte satt sig in
i vad det r÷rde sig om, dom svalde allt vad borgarpressen skrev."
Han hade mycket tydligt kΣnt lockelsen och glΣdjen i att ropa ja
och vara med dem, uppr÷rdhetens f÷rf÷relse, men han motsatte
sig den, inte pσ grund av en annan insikt eller av tillgσng till
andra fakta, men av princip. Han hade sett pσ dem dΣr de stod,
deras klΣder, deras hΣnder, och han hade kΣnt ett avstσnd som gjorde
honom ursinnig och oemottaglig f÷r medkΣnslans uppr÷rdhet.
"Hela jΣvla ╓stermalm hade gσtt dit, och dΣr stod jag."
Per Olov Enquist: LegionΣrerna
%%
"JA Σr roligare"
%%
Man beh÷ver inte vara b÷g f÷r att gilla vin, men det Σr n÷dvΣndigt
f÷r att kΣnna skillnad pσ sorterna.
Ulf Lundell
%%
Att hitta unga pojkar Σr en sak; att hitta vuxna mΣn en helt annan!
Den teckade familjen Addams
%%
%% E n g l i s h - l a n g u a g e c o o k i e s :
%%
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/own-sayings:
%%
"I say we take off; nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be
sure."
- Corporal Hicks, in "Aliens"
%%
I'm sick of being trodden on! The Elder Gods say they can make me a man!
All it costs is my soul! I'll do it, cuz NOW I'M MAD!!!
- Necronomicomics #1, Jack Herman & Jeff Dee
%%
I do not believe that this generation of Americans is willing to resign
itself to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon...
- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Experience is directly proportional to the value of equipment destroyed.
Carolyn Scheppner
%%
NEVER EVER mess with a PCB jumper you don't understand, even if it's
labelled "SEX AND FREE BEER".
Dave Haynie in <35810@cbmvax.commodore.com>
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/AFortune.dat:
%%
"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?"
-- Bertold Brecht
%%
What publishers are looking for these days isn't radical feminism.
It's corporate feminism -- a brand of feminism designed to sell books
and magazines, three-piece suits, airline tickets, Scotch, cigarettes
and, most important, corporate America's message, which runs: "Yes,
women were discriminated against in the past, but that unfortunate
mistake has been remedied; now every woman can attain wealth, prestige
and power by dint of individual rather than collective effort."
-- Susan Gordon
%%
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
%%
Whatever became of Strange de Jim? Well, he found a substitute for
cocaine: "You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your nostrils
as far as they will go. Then you sniff talcum powder while shredding
hundred dollar bills."
-- Herb Caen
%%
"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
cockroaches!"
-- Mom
%%
When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an
act of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school. A
group of seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a
six-year-old. "It is always so," my mother said. "You do things
together which not one of you would think of doing alone." ...
Wherever one looks in the world of human organization, collective
responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards. The military
establishment is an extreme case, an organization which seems to have
been expressly designed to make it possible for people to do things
together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
-- Freeman Dyson, "Weapons and Hope"
%%
When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
%%
Wood is highly ecological, since trees are a renewable resource. If
you cut down a tree, another will grow in its place. And if you cut
down the new tree, still another will grow. And if you cut down that
tree, yet another will grow, only this one will be a mutation with
long, poisonous tentacles and revenge in its heart, and it will sit
there in the forest, cackling and making elaborate plans for when you
come back.
-- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
%%
"Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer
if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and
and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?"
%%
Write-Protect Tab, n.:
A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
left by disk manufacturers. The use of the tab creates an
error message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far
outweighs the momentary inconvenience.
-- Robb Russon
%%
"Yacc" owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have
goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
their endless search for "one more feature". Their irritating
unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
-- S. C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
%%
Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today --
I think he's from the CIA.
%%
Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
with pictures.
%%
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We
don't believe this to be a coincidence." !! - Jeremy S. Anderson
%%
You can't change the laws of physics, Captain; I've got to have thirty
minutes.
%%
You cannot ride a long worm.
%%
You have a massage. (From the Swedish prime minister.)
%%
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
%%
You shot the Wumpus!
%%
An Umber hulk can be a confusing sight.
%%
Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
%%
You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
J. D. Salinger
%%
Reading Herbert will disgust you, but in one case it might be enlightening.
%%
Reading Tolkien might help you.
%%
We're here to give you a computer, not a religion.
attributed to Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga
%%
The personal computer market is about the same size as the
total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the
size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total
worldwide sales of pantyhose.
James Finke, Pres., Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982)
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/fortune.amiga:
%%
Shit Happens.
%%
The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
%%
The most useful program will be continually improved until it is useless.
%%
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
%%
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes, keep this is mind.
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/fortune.cookie:
%%
The life of a repo man is always intense.
%%
You will soon meet a tall dark handsome stranger.
%%
!xob XINEX siht edisni kcuts m'I ,pleH
%%
How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time.
Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
GOTO statement considered harmful
E. W. Dijkstra, title to a letter in CACM 11, 3 (March, 1968)
%%
Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
%%
Hackers of the world, unite!
%%
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
%%
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
%%
Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children.
I would prefer to achieve it by not dying.
Woody Allen
%%
The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind to
correlate all its contents.
H. P. Lovecraft
%%
Wherever you go...There you are.
Buckaroo Banzai
%%
You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth.
Nicklaus Wirth
%%
Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be prosecuted.
%%
Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN!
%%
Ahead warp factor 1
Captain Kirk
%%
Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a problem to
be solved.
Gerard Straub, television producer and author
(stolen from Frank Herbert??)
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
Andy Finkel, computer guy
%%
He's dead, Jim.
%%
The fountain code has been tightened slightly so you can no longer dip objects
into a fountain or drink from one while you are floating in mid-air due to
levitation.
Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the
character does not have fire resistance.
README file from the NetHack game
%%
There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
Randomly produced by a computer program called Markov3.
%%
I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis
socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think
you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude. I'm a
very technical boy. So I decided to get as crude as possible. These days,
though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to
crudeness.
Johnny Mnemonic, by William Gibson
%%
Thufir's a Harkonnen now.
%%
If you want to eat hippopatomus, you've got to pay the freight.
attributed to an IBM guy, about why IBM software uses so much memory
%% (Star Trek: Return of the Archons)
-Spock, did you see the looks on their faces?
-Yes, Captain, a sort of vacant contentment.
%%
There are some good people in it, but the orchestra as a whole is equivalent
to a gang bent on destruction.
John Cage, composer
%%
I believe the use of noise to make music will increase until we reach a
music produced through the aid of electrical instruments which will make
available for musical purposes any and all sounds that can be heard.
composer John Cage, 1937
%%
If you took everyone who's ever been to a Dead
show, and lined them up, they'd stretch halfway to
the moon and back... and none of them would be
complaining."
a local Deadhead in the Seattle Times
%%
It was pity stayed his hand.
"Pity I don't have any more bullets," thought Frito.
Bored of the Rings, a Harvard Lampoon parody of Tolkien
%%
Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk.
TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode _Amok_Time_
%%
I DO want your money, because god wants your money!
The Reverend Jimmy, from _Repo_Man_
%%
If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go
to hell.
Jimmy Swaggart, 5/20/88
%%
The F-15 Eagle:
If it's up, we'll shoot it down. If it's down, we'll blow it up.
A McDonnel-Douglas ad from a few years ago
%%
FORTRAN? The syntactically incorrect statement "DO 10 I = 1.10" will parse and
generate code creating a variable, DO10I, as follows: "DO10I = 1.10" If that
doesn't terrify you, it should.
%%
I knew then (in 1970) that a 4-kbyte minicomputer would cost as much as
a house. So I reasoned that after college, I'd have to live cheaply in
an apartment and put all my money into owning a computer.
Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
%%
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy.
Dr. Emilio Lizardo
%%
Hey Ivan, check your six.
Sidewinder missile jacket patch,
showing a Sidewinder driving up the tail of a Russian Su-27
%%
"If a computer can't directly address all the RAM you can use, it's just a toy."
anonymous comp.sys.amiga posting, non-sequitir
%%
%%%Card readers? We don't need no stinking card readers.
%%% Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciencies, 1965, in a
%%% particularly vivid fantasy)
%%
The medium is the message.
Marshall McLuhan
%%
"Okay," Bobby said, getting the hang of it, "then what's the matrix? If
she's a deck, and Danbala's a program, what's cyberspace?"
"The world," Lucas said.
William Gibson, _Count Zero_
%%
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips
over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
Matt Groening
%%
The Street finds its own uses for technology.
William Gibson
%%
#define BITCOUNT(x) (((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255)
#define BX_(x) ((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777) \
- (((x)>>2)&0x33333333) \
- (((x)>>3)&0x11111111))
really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word
%%
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect "Hungry."
a Larson cartoon
%%
EARTH
smog | bricks
AIR -- mud -- FIRE
soda water | tequila
WATER
%%
n = ((n >> 1) & 0x55555555) | ((n << 1) & 0xaaaaaaaa);
n = ((n >> 2) & 0x33333333) | ((n << 2) & 0xcccccccc);
n = ((n >> 4) & 0x0f0f0f0f) | ((n << 4) & 0xf0f0f0f0);
n = ((n >> 8) & 0x00ff00ff) | ((n << 8) & 0xff00ff00);
n = ((n >> 16) & 0x0000ffff) | ((n << 16) & 0xffff0000);
Yet another mystical 'C' gem. This one reverses the bits in a word.
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, Jolt Cola
would be a Fortune-500 company.
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, you'd be
able to buy a nice little colonial split-level at Babbages for $34.95.
If programmers wrote programs the way builders build buildings, we'd still
be using autocoder and running compile decks.
Peter da Silva and Karl Lehenbauer, a different perspective
%%
Gort, klaatu nikto barada.
The Day the Earth Stood Still
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/fortunes.unix:
%%
101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR
(1) Scarecrow for centipedes
(2) Dead cat brush
(3) Hair barrettes
(4) Cleats
(5) Self-piercing earrings
(6) Fungus trellis
(7) False eyelashes
(8) Prosthetic dog claws
.
.
.
(99) Window garden harrow (pulled behind Tonka tractors)
(100) Killer velcro
101. Currency
%%
"All flesh is grass"
Isiah
Smoke a friend today.
%%
Sign up now for the summarizing Proust competition|
%%
CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of
anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as
they take root and become trees.
%%
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to
be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same
mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid.
%%
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your
associates and people resent your flaunting of your power. You
lack confidence and you are generally a coward. Pisces people
do terrible things to small animals.
%%
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You
are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are
not very nice.
%%
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and
work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed.
You are a Communist.
%%
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect
too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis
are known for committing incest.
%%
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They
think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why
you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are
Cancer people.
%%
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are
pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike
honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people
are thieves.
%%
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is
sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and
sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus
drivers.
%%
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.
Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most
Libra women are prostitutes. All Libra people die of venereal
disease.
%%
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will
achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.
%%
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority
of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People
laugh at you a great deal.
%%
UNIX will be half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
-- Andy Tannenbaum
%%
Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
Black. Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the
cube, and each of side of the cube will now be the original color of
the plastic underneath - black. According to the instructions, this
means the puzzle is solved.
Steve Rubenstein
%%
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
%%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
Donald Knuth
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/wisecrack.txt:
%%
Q: Why won't Mexicans let their children marry Puerto Ricans?
A: Because their children would be too lazy to steal.
%%
Q: Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts!
%%
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
%%
I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned
him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I Helped
Skin Bob."
%%
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is
they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff,
then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What
was THAT?!"
%%
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I guess it
goes back to the time we went to the circus and a clown killed my Dad.
%%
So when I die, the first thing I will see in Heaven is a score list?
%%
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme
violence.
Vivian, "The Young Ones"
%%
"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last,
"what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.
A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enter here!
Dante Alighieri
%%
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
%%
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
Weisert
%%
Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when
you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
%%
Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
%%
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
The Young Ones
%%
If God doesn't destroy San Francisco,
He should apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah.
%%
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Mae West
%%
Just once, I wish we would encounter
an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
The Brigader, from Dr. Who
%%
Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.
Muad'dib
%%
Monsters come from nowhere to hit you everywhere.
%%
NetHack is a fantasy, in fact you're dreaming.
%%
NetHack is addictive. Too late, you're already hooked.
%%
Never use your best weapon to engrave a curse.
%%
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist.
%%
Predestination was doomed from the start.
%%
Sauron is alive in Argentina.
%%
Save a forest - eat a beaver.
%%
The Leprechaun Gold Tru$t is no division of the Magic Memory Vault.
%%
The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood
as he reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all.
The Gray Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in
the palace of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in
twenty-five of him are dead, he is alive.
"Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached
everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a
fierce host which out-numbers Lankhmar's inhabitants by fifty to one -
and equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city."
"How?" demanded Fafhrd.
Ningauble shrugged. "You're a hero. You should know."
Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
%%
The very first essential for success is a perpetually
constant and regular employment of violence.
Adolph Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
%%
The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts
to fit their views...which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to
be one of the facts that needs altering.
Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
%%
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
make is so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
deficiencies.
C. A. R. Hoare
%%
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
C. S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"
%%
This sentence contradicts itself - no actually it doesn't.
Hofstadter
%%
What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
WOP, "War Games"
%%
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
%%
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
Bertold Brecht
%%
What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.
Wittgenstein
%%
You offend Shai-Hulud by sheathing your crysknife without having
drawn blood.
%%
gy-ro-scope: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and
also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to each
other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two
mutually perpindicular axes results from application of torque to the
other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus
offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any
torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin.
Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary
%%
Moses, returning from the mountain, spoke to his people:
"The good news is we got them down to ten."
"The bad news is that adultery is still one of them."
%%
Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
James T. Kirk
%%
I'm saying nothing and I'm saying it: John Cage
%%
It is as if I were attempting to trace with the point of a pencil the
shadow of the tracing pencil: Nathaniel West
%%
There are three side effects of acid. Enchanced long term memory,
decreased short term memory, and I forget the third.
Timothy Leary
%%
%% * * * from cookie2.0/#?:
%%
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had
to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized
that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
finding mistakes in my own programs.
Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
%%
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
no one we know belongs.
%%
%% My [J÷G] own cookies/quotes (1994-09-22 and onwards)
%% My apologies to people who don't like B&B and others
%% who can't stand tastelessness.
%%
%%%What's the frequency, Kenneth?
%%
Dead men don't rape.
%%
Dead women don't say 'no'.
%%
Women: can't live with'em, can't kill'em.
%%
From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.
%%
If you pour salt on a snail, lots of scientific stuff happens.
Beavis (on science projects)
%%
At the time you leave school, there's no future except for getting married.
And when you are about twenty-nine, you have two kids. And you want to
commit suicide.
Sid Vicious
%%
I want to balanga you with my bonijoni!
I mean love... I mean agapi!
Kalibanos (Raul Julia) to Miranda (Molly Ringwald) in 'The Tempest'
%%
I can't believe I gave away my pants to that guy!
Molly Ringwald in 'Sixteen Candles'
%%
Of the twenty-some young men who were
waiting at the station for their dates to arrive on the
ten-fifty-two, no more than six or seven were out on the
cold, open platform.. The rest were standing around in
hatless, smoky little groups of twos and threes and fours
inside the heated waiting-room, talking in voices that,
almost without exception, sounded collegiately dog-
matic, as though each young man, in his strident, con-
versational turn, was clearing up, once and for all, some
highly controversial issue, one that the outside, non-
matriculating world had been bungling, provocatively
or not, for centuries.
J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
It isn't just Wally. It could be a girl for goodness' sake. I mean if
he were a girl - somebody in my dorm, for example - he'd have
been painting scenery in some stock company all summer. Or bicycled
through Wales. Or taken an apartment in New York and worked for a
magazine or an advertising company. It's everybody, I mean.
J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
At that moment, though, he chanced to look up from the table
and see someone he knew across the room - a class-
mate, with a date. Lane sat up up a bit in his chair and
adjusted his expression from that of all-round appre-
hension and discontent to that of a man whose date has
merely gone to the john, leaving him, as dates do, with
nothing to do in the meantime but smoke and look
bored, preferably attractively bored.
J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
"Whew". She squinted at the morning sunlight. "Why is it so sunny?"
She only partly took in Zooey's prescence. "Why is it so sunny?"
she repeated.
Zooey observed her rather narrowly. "I bring the sun wherever
I go, buddy," he said.
J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
When I'm in town, I invariably sit by the hour with
my old friend Yama, the God of Death, and a private
phone's a must for our little chats.
J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
About five minutes before the plane landed, I became aware
of people talking in the seat behind me. A woman was saying,
with all of Back Bay Boston and most of Harvard Square in
her voice, "... and the next morning, mind you, they took a
pint of pus out of that lovely young body of hers." That's
all I remember hearing, but when I got off the plane a few
minutes later and the Bereaved Widow came toward me all in
Bergdorf Goodman black, I had the Wrong Expression on my face.
I was grinning.
J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
Picture this: You have a business meeting tomorrow with your
Japanese distributor. This meeting requires that you be in top form
for some critical negotiations. You have several reports to go
over, many facts to memorize, and above all you have to get some
rest.
Your first step? A trip to the drug store, of course. A meeting
like this is much too important to take on without fine-tuning your
biochemistry. You must create the optimal neurochemical conditions
for learning and creativity. You ask the druggist, who then points
you towards the shelf of cognitive enhancement
compounds. You load up your basket with bottles of piracetam,
vasopressin, hydergine, choline, DMAE, and maybe a little
centrophenoxine.
from MEGABRAIN REPORT: THE PSYCHOTECHNOLOGY NEWSLETTER
%%
Yuggs, or Yuggya (Lesser Servitor Race)
Description: The Yuggya are large worm- or slug-like creatures that
dwell in the depths of the Pacific Ocean. They grow up to four feet in
diameter and twelve feet or more in length. They are a pale gray in
color and look like elongated sacks. In that respect they very closely
resemble chthonians, but yuggs lack the long tentacles of those beasts.
Instead, the anterior end of a yugg terminates in a large round
sucker-mouth like that of a lamprey or hagfish. A half dozen small
prehensile tentacles (or barbels) 6 inches to 2 feet long surround the
mouth, which contains several rows of horn-like teeth. They leave trails
of stinking slime when moving on land.
Kevin A. Ross: The Ponape Predators (instructions for Chtulu RPG)
%%
In 1972, 82% of all computers spent their online time sorting numbers,
In 1993, 83% of all computers spend their online time running screen blankers.
Grant@l42south.equinox.gen.nz
%%
640K should be enough for anyone! -Bill Gates
%%
And what is this special AmigaOS feeling Shehkel can't understand ?
It's the fast and snappy response on everything you do....it simply
feels smooth and i haven't got this feeling from any other OS i have
used.
Ralph Schmidt (laire@uni-paderborn.de)
%%
Remember, "Euphemisms are for the differently brained."
jamie@cdevil.unx.sas.com (James Cooper)
%%
I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
Edmund Blackadder
%%
Someday, perhaps in the very process of our benefactions, perhaps in
the fullness of geologic time,the last crane will trumpet his farewell
and spiral skyward from the great marsh. High out of the clouds will
fall the sound of hunting horns, the baying of the phantom pack, the
tinkle of little bells, and then a silence never to be broken, unless
perchance in some far pasture of the Milky Way.
Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac,
Oxford University Press, NY, 1949.
%%
Note: do not try this at home if your character is not adequately equipped
with the proper gear & weapons, else you may become dragon toast.
Diane Westerfield (wes5@quads.uchicago.edu)
%%
> There are three types of Water, Holy, Unholy and original. Is there any
> way to turn normal water (or unholy water) into holy water?
What?! No Diet Water?
%%
In short - the 'Elbereth/Balance/Arioch' blessing is the God's way to tell
you "I've given you enough already. Here, have these intrinsics and bugger
off..." :-)
Michal (pawlak@zeubac.desy.de)
%%
The police of a state should never be stonger or better armed
than the citizenry. An armed citizenry, willing to fight, is the
foundation of civil freedom.
Robert A. Heinlein
%%
>Is it possible to "recharge" magic lamps (i.e. so they end up with
>another djinn in them). I was thinking that if you ENCOUNTERED a
>free-roaming djinn you could wield the lamp and hit the djinn with it, so
>that it gets sucked in and imprisoned, but I have never found one to try
>it on.
Even if it were possible, I somehow doubt that the djinni would be
particularly grateful to you for its release under those circumstances.
allisom@govonca.gov.on.ca (Michael Allison)
%%
%%%"You destroy the hobbit. What a mess!"
%%%
%%%I *did* know how to defend against a terrorist with a banana,
%%%but I didn't know I could kill with a cream pie!!!
%%
"Killed by a minotaur named UKantHavIt"
%%
IDE drives are supposed to be able to transfer 128k bytes in one chunk,
but because IBM-style disk interfaces don't transfer more than 64k at
a time, some drives have never been tested to more than 64k. Also, some
drives have problems with an even 128k or 64k, so the suggestions above knock
one extra block off.
%%
Subject: Re: Global Alert For All: Jesus is Coming Soon
[...]
Let's just hope he is wearing a condom...
%%
withered rope you hang what's empty can't remain to put it simply
in time cry the hollow words to sing with false disguise
smothered hope fly from sorrow for a new divine tomorrow i just
don't want to know anymore life shifts up and down everybody
knows it's wrong it's not in the rhyme or reason so it goes
with every season crawl to top fall through bottom first hand
love is really rotten slice of life find what's plenty inch
towards a sanctuary fight with me inside the womb i know everyone
everyone knows it's me it's my voice my voice cries out obscenity
sightless eye regard my past sometimes it should i just don't
want to know anymore
Skinny Puppy: Smothered Hope
%%
Moral Support: Joe Pillow & The Dancing Fools
%%
ObHex: I've heard (possibly right here on a.f.c) that the AmigaDOS
ROM has the hex sequence FEED C0ED BABE in it.
%%
We have made a commitment to Commodore and work hard on their behalf.
(Many of you at this point will undoubtedly label us as stupid.)
Kris Kuntz & Jeff Cupp, Digital Arts, Bloomington, IN
%%
Chorus:
Hens love roosters,
Geese love ganders,
Everybody else loves Ned Flanders!
Homer <as dog-in-the-manger>:
Not me!
Chorus:
Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!
The Simpsons
%%
%%%> I do everything by hand. It's a lot more fun. And with all the hair
%%%> growing on my palms, it's almost like the real thing.
%%%
%%%Yeah, and I bet you sit on it first until it goes to sleep. Just like
%%%being married.
%%
Picture a tombstone w/ these words:
GG Allin. Ate shit and died.
%%
An old friend of mine once swore that she used to think Jimi
Hendrix said, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy."
%%
The Fall: "Lie Dream of a Casino Soul"
(My vers.)
A kickoff platform eunuch, we didn't like him much
There's a sector man insecticides, just like wankin'
Too late for dinner
(Official vers)
And our kid got back from Munich, He didn't like it much
Has a psyche that hadn't been synthesized, Just like machines
It's getting like that here now
%%
Imagine how bad Hitler would have been if
he saw Beavis & Butthead when he was a kid.
%%
>Why the hell do the gods want this amulet
>if all it does is curse items randomly and teleport you down levels?
They, of course, are the only ones that can destroy this evil
artifact...
%%
Quest artifact - The Golden Plunger. When #invoked, does nothing.
When applied, can get rings out of sinks. When carried, causes
aggravate monster in intelligent creatures ("Hey, let's go beat up the
wierdo with the plunger!") When wielded, does 1d2 damage.
%%
oil remove shred and tear radiation vapor
it's the fear so unclear man in motion going nowhere
in our homes stuck in the face spread the word to the populace
yellow journal yellow journal set the pace feel the rage
manifestations of a sort so insidious off the point
simple solution never confusion sport a gun kill a cop
crazy world of weary thought so receive me had enough
lock me up lock me up
Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
is he who speaks isn't weak wheelchair virtue so to speak
Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
in cages our future - the answers insane
Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
lovers and legions i've seen your whore try not to reason forsaken i'm poor
fire nerves and dissension flying at a glare a ginger reaction whisper care
a hairpin decision falls against the brain
to formulate the anguish and alleviate the pain
the silence is warning soul search nothing can't regain reach for air
scenes of a cheap thrill summon an old ghost
the foremost and sterile suffering one lost to
face the potential for fantasy and flair forever and forgiving
summon me and dare
Skinny Puppy: Far Too Frail
%%
which side whose side you're in the middle of the fire
Skinny Puppy: The Choke
%%
christ why did you die
Skinny Puppy: The Choke
%%
sample test at best is nothing less run for more i can't decide
love in the grass is nothing less rather you look me in the eye
your face creeping in your caring thankless grin
immobilize the setting sin create the mood that's dark and grim
Skinny Puppy: Deadlines
%%
last call open bar never closing reach beyond
last call a shallow pond slow descending so slow to drown
Skinny Puppy: Last Call
%%
green is the grass of survival
feeding the cows that they dine on
all is a disease
human disease
survival
Skinny Puppy: Human Disease
%%
broken alice holy pat on the back and back and back force open wide no
way back she whispered lizard kiss rhtetoric bitch pass on answering
psycho babble with no security power escapes to the toilet room in the
lew of its own reflection she really knocks me out she sits she pukes her
point whoever will listen paranoid doubts shes really rocked out she
moves her mouth fault pat on the back and back and pat on the back and
force it she sits she listens she moves her mouth she sits she pukes its
her fault whatever intelligence fault push down with the purest crystal
around push it in whisper name feel it a double weighed out games invoke
she mixes knowing that all wont upset herself lizard kiss strung out
break mutilate all they see on the neck in and over top of what appears
to be real chill and tempt eye no time to see reality broken alice
Skinny Puppy: Who's Laughing Now?
%%
notice that phrase thorough vileness of his
delivery ninty seven cars and free love
Skinny Puppy: Rash Reflection
%%
I like the way you fill out your clothes
I'm gonna stick my head under your hose
HOSE CLOTHES
THIS IS A CLOTHES HOIST BABY
Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
If I ain't back by 5am start phoning round the hospitals
Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
Make mine a double TEXACO
Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
His pen's as mighty as his sword. Bites off more than he can afford
The torture-meister relishing - intimidating everything
Typewriter rhythms drowning the newly acquired insecurity
Gets in fights/stays up nights/rends and mends companion's tights
Forcin' symptoms of his own disease
A BOY FOR YOU, BLACK PLAGUE FOR ME
Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
i close the door,
shouldn't burn yet,
the wires get hotter
palms are glowing...
this is hot meat
metallic blood
this is open sweat
show you with my fingers
draw with the eye
with your own breath
i tear your lungs out
this side of the blackest meadows
i make my winterdwelling
and crush my bones
i'll sail out the window,
i'll walk down the hedge
i will not finish until I'm fully satisfied.
Sugarcubes: Coldsweat
%%
that girl on that bicycle showed great interest in all the motorcrashes in
the neighbourhood, she look quite innocent, but believe you me i know what
innocence looks like and it wasn't there, after she got that bicycle.
Sugarcubes: Motorcrash
%%
she's drawing circles with her breasts in her jumper
Sugarcubes: Mama
%%
deus does not exist. but if he does, he lives in the sky above me, in the
fattest largest cloud up there. he is whiter than white and cleaner than
clean. he wants to reach me.
Sugarcubes: Deus
%%
oh my god and jesus as well, what are you doing here, are you
hurting your chest, offending yourself, forcing yourself into pain like there
is no tomorrow? you should use the pain and sorrow to fill you up with power,
life's both sweet and sour.
Sugarcubes: Fucking in Rhythm and Sorrow
%%
it's that little souvenir of a terrible year
which makes my eyes feel sore
oh I never should have said
the books that you read
were all I loved you for
Sundays: Here's Where the Story Ends
%%
It's the airwaves of the world
Not the hairwaves on your head
XTC: X Wires
%%
My tombstone will read:
"I can look under your skirt".
Andy Partridge
%%
Happy I'm floating
Around on my feet now
You make me go dizzy
I'm weak at the knees
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall
Well you say I'm faking
And I say don't worry
The way that I bubble
There's something in the make
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall
Right, the chemistry is right
This boy has reached his height
The feeling just goes on and on...
From strength to strength
I'm ten feet long...
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall
XTC: Ten Feet Tall
%%
Generals and Majors always
seem so unhappy 'less they got a war
XTC: Generals & Majors
%%
I'm speaking to the justice league of america the u s of a hey you yes you
in particular! when it comes to the judgement day and you're stood at the
gates with your weaponry you dare clasp your hands in prayer and start
quoting me 'cos we say.... our father we've managed to contain the
epidemic in one place now let's hope they shoot themselves instead of
others help to sterilize the race now. we've trapped the cause of the
plague in the land of the free and the home of the brave if we listen
quietly we can hear them shooting from grave to grave.
XTC: melt the guns
%%
Louder than tanks on the highway
Louder than bombers in flight
Louder than noises of hatred
Dancing us from darkest night is the rhythm of love
Powered on the the beating of hearts
XTC: Beating of Hearts
%%
EXTERMINATE ALL THE BRUTES
Kurtz, in Joseph Conrad's 'Heart of Darkness'
%%
It's raining on the beach
She inches close but out of reach
The waves look painted on
Seagulls screaming
The sea is warship grey
It whispers ``Fool!'' then slides away
Black coastline slumbers on
Seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her
And all the flags that flap on the pier
Spell why on earth do you want
The fog hides much but one thing is clear
She's nearer
Dead deck chairs under shrouds
And life belts gape like minstrel mouths
Her hair still smells of salt
Seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her
Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, kiss her
He who hesitates is lost
If you want her, you should tell her
Take her by the hand If you hesitate
If you wait, November wins her November will win her
She returns to sand So get ahold of the girl
I say I like your coat
Her thank-you tugs my heart afloat
I nearly didn't hear for
Seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her
He who hesitates is lost
XTC: Seagulls Screaming Kiss Her, Kiss Her
%%
Will you smile like any mother
As you bathe your brand new twins?
Will you sing about the missiles
As you dry odd numbered limbs?
XTC: This World Over
%%
Will you smile like any father
With your children on a Sunday hike?
When you get to a sea of rubble
And they ask ``What was London like?''
XTC: This World Over
%%
Sun that worked on overtime
Fuelled our bodies, kindled fire in our minds
Burning scars soon disappear
Like heat that hangs like water on the road
But most of all, I remember the sun.
XTC: I Remember the Sun
%%
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
Cure: Just Like Heaven
%%
soon i discovered that this rock thing was true
jerry lee lewis was the devil
jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
all of a sudden, i found myself in love with the world
so there was only one thing that i could do
was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long
Ministy: Jesus Built My Hotrod
%%
jesus built my car
it's a love affair
mainly jesus and my hot rod
Ministy: Jesus Built My Hotrod
%%
tell me something i don't know
show me something i can't use
push the button
connect the goddamned dots
Ministy: TV Tune
%%
who what which why who
when did you say the earth would stop turning?
why did you say we would all start burning?
when should i make a pledge?
should i listen to the voices in my head?
Ministy: TV Tune
%%
Everybody knows what's going wrong with the world
But I don't even know what's going on in myself.
The The: Slow Emotion Replay
%%
This is the land, where nothing changes,
the land of red buses & blue blooded babies,
This is the place, where pensioners are raped,
and the hearts are being cut, from the welfare state
The The: Heartland
%%
So many people, can't express what's on their minds,
Nobody knows them & nobody ever will,
Until their backs are broken and their dreams are stolen,
and they can't get what they want, then they're gonna get angry!
Well it ain't written in the papers, but its written on the walls
The way this country is divided to fall,
So the cranes are moving on the skyline -
Trying to knock down - this town
But the stains on the heartland, can never be removed,
from this country, that's sick, sad, and confused.
The The: Heartland
%%
The ammunition's being passed, and the lords been praised,
But the wars on the televisions will never be explained,
All the bankers gettin sweaty, beneath their white collars,
As the pound in our pocket, turns into a dollar.
This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.
This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.
This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.
The The: Heartland
%%
A curse on the judges, the coppers and screws
Who tortured the innocent, wrongly accused,
For the price of promotion
And justice to sell
May the judged be their judges when they rot down in Hell
Pogues: Birmingham Six
%%
May the whores of the empire lay awake in their beds
And sweat as they count out their sins on their heads
While over in Ireland eight more men lie dead
Kicked down and shot in the back of the head
Pogues: Birmingham Six
%%
Christine!
Christine!
Christine!
Christine.
House of Love: Christine
%%
burn down the disco
hang the blessed DJ
'cause the music they constantly play
says nothing to me about my life
Smiths: Panic
%%
Remember, young programmers - the length of your
code is not NEARLY as important as its WIDTH!
Dan Barrett
%%
Zorro III, contrary to popular belief, is actually SLOWER than Zorro
II, due to the overhead of the extra "I".
Dan Barrett
%%
If possible, avoid paper manuals entirely and document the whole
program in a "README" file on the program disk. I know that some users don't
like README files because the information often isn't presented in a natural
order. So, if you feel obligated to please your users, I recommend running
your README file through C:Sort.
Dan Barrett: 10 Amiga Programming Tips For the Real World
%%
>3) Who was the actual creator of C=? Was is Jack Tramiel?
Nope. Commodore was founded in 1861 by Norman "Bingo" Hockheister
and his aged mother, Loretta. Bingo and Loretta were familiar faces in old
West Chester, standing on barrels in the marketplace, selling strange devices
that Bingo claimed could "calculate square roots", "cure leprosy", or even
"blast slimy aliens from Arcturus VI."
Dan Barrett: The TRUE history of the Amiga
%%
I really like this disk, but I have decided it's time to upgrade to
Fish Disk number 2.
Dan Barrett: FOR SALE: Fish Disk number 1
%%
Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!
The Exorcist
%%
What, me worry?
Alfred E. Neumann
%%
The double covern of sorcerers in turn began to bustle
more nervously, each with his particular spell - touching off
more stinks, jiggling black drops out of more dirty vials,
waving more wands, pin-stabbing more figurines, finger-
tracing eldritch symbols more swiftly in the air, mounding
up each in front of him from his bag more noisesome fet-
ishes, and so on.
From his hours of sitting at the foot of the table, Fafhrd
had learned that most of the spells were designed to inflict
a noisome disease upon Gwaay; the Black Plague, the Red
Plague, the Boneless Death, the Hairless Decline, the Slow
Rot, the Fast Rot, the Green Rot, the Bloody Cough, the
Belly Melts, the Ague, the Runs, and even the footling Nose
Drip.
Fritz Leiber: The Lords of Quarmall
%%
I seek two swords, forged millenia ago by immortals,
used by my ancestors but then relinquished by them and
placed upon this plane. The swords are large and heavy
and black and they have cryptic runes carved into their
blades.
Michael Moorcock: Elric of MelnibonΘ
%%
Quoth the raven: 'Demi Moore'.
Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate): Married with Children
%%
Quoth the raven: "Eat my shorts"
Bart Simpson
%%
How does the turkey know to fly? He just knows.
Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate): Married with Children
%%
German guests: "We didn't start this!"
Basil: "Yes you did!"
German guests: "No we didn't!"
Basil: "Yes you did! You invaded Poland!"
Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) in 'Fawlty Towers'
%%
It's better to die than to fade away.
Neil Young
%%
A moment later, before even half the people in Joe's have begun tittering,
a flash of green light precedes the arrival of two VERY odd patrons. They
rotate their bellies to get a better look at you. As their mouth stalks
open you find that, despite an evolution that occurred dozens of
astronomical units from Upper Sandusky, these fellows speak in perfect
midwestern English.
Steve Meretzky: Leather Goddesses of Phobos
%%
Life is what happens to you while you're busy doing other things
John Lennon
%%
As you well know, the secret of community lies in
suppression of the incompatible.
Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
I will die four deaths - the death of the flesh, the death of the soul,
the death of the myth and the death of reason. And all of these deaths
contain the seed of resurrection.
Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Seeing futures is a vision of a continuum in which all things
take shape like bubbles forming beneath a waterfall. You
see them and then they vanish into the stream. If the stream
ends, it is as though the bubbles never were. That stream is
my Golden Path and I saw it end.
Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Prisons are needed only to provide the illusion
that courts and police are effective. They're a kind of job
insurance.
Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Police always observe that criminals prosper. It takes
a pretty dull policeman to miss the fact that the position of
authority is the most prosperous criminal position available.
Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
- How many politically correct people does it take to...
- That question is neither appropriate nor funny.
%%
The mummy a foot in the machine. The machine a foot in the mummy. Mister
analphabet a seeing. (...) Other seeing mummies recoiling from mister A
from the machine. Afraid for A who sees without (...) looking without
seeing causing damage on the societylovemachinery.
unknown schizophrenic, Stockholm 1994
%%
...sweet, no matter if it is anticide or sugar.
unknown schizophrenic, Stockholm 1994
%%
- How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light globe?
- None. They declare darkness to be an industry standard.
%%
I can imagine the working conditions at Commodore:
- "When do you want to get some food?"
- "GO AWAY! I AM UNDER NDA SO I CANNOT TELL YOU WHEN!!!"
- "How about dinner then?"
- "NO! DINNER IS NOT READY YET, SO I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE
CAN TALK ABOUT DINNER ONLY AFTER IT HAS BEEN RELEASED!!!"
- "But that guy over there has something to eat!"
- "HE IS AN AUTHORIZED COMMODORE DEVELOPER. HE IS ENTITLED TO BETA
VERSIONS OF DINNER THAT YOU *CANNOT* HAVE!!!"
- "But *when* can I have somewthing to eat???"
- "DINNER WILL NOT BE READY FOR ANOTHER HOUR YET!!! OH NO - I'VE
VIOLATED MY NDA AGREEMENT. NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOO I'M MELTING! I'M
MELTING! WHAT A WORLD - WHAT A WORLD..." *poof*
charlet@hubcap.clemson.edu (Charles E "Rick" Taylor IV)
%%
Anyway, his position at that point was to say that the Amiga format
must be more unstable. As he said it, with the 1.44 format, if your data went
bad then it could 'move over' to the unused place on the disk, because there
was another 500K on the disk, thus making it more stable. The Amiga's 1.76
format (including DiskSpareDevices' 1.97 format) was 'more unstable' because
bad data then had nowhere else to go and then it 'fell off' the disk.
After I stopped laughing, I marveled at some of the arguments some
people level against the Amiga, even when the advantages of the Amiga are
totally obvious with the application of a little common sense.
nverenin@scripps.edu
%%
%%%This is one of our greatest perils:
%%%to see patterns in coincidences.
%%
I think the only way to address a problem of any kind is to move directly
into it. Perhaps its too much Aikido practice, but I think any other way
you're doomed. That isn't necessarily C='s business practice, but it's in
my approach to Commodore. I look at the technical problems, business
problems, etc. and make a decision. Do I attempt to address the technical
problems or do I forget about Commodore. At this point, I choose to address
the continuance of the Amiga, and I do so because I believe that it is
something worth doing, and something that will yield success. If I did not
believe this, I would have left the company, plain and simple. Obviously,
not everything is under my control, but I know what I have to work with over
the next year or so, and I judge it adequate to achieve the necessary goals.
Dave Haynie
%%
Hey Butthead! It's Mallory! It's that chick from 'Family Ties'!
Beavis, watching a PJ Harvey video in 'Tornado'
%%
Look, another one of those heavy metal videos with a
guy all naked and crawled up on the floor.
Beavis & Butt-head
%%
Stop thinking!
TV commercial for washing powder
%%
We quaffed the Soma bright
And are immortal grown.
We've entered into light
And all the gods have known.
What mortal now can harm
Or foreman vex us more?
Through thee, beyond alarm,
immortal god we soar."
The Rig-Veda
%%
In my confrontations with the personified Other that is present in the
mushroom, part of the message was its species-specific uniqueness and its
desire for a symbiotic relationship with Mankind. At other times it
presented itself not so much as a personage but as an infinite network
which many sorts of beings in different parts of the multiverse were using
for their own purposes.
Christian Ratsch (ed.): Gateway to Inner Space; Sacred Plants,
Mysticism and Psychotherapy
%%
This woman was so fat that she had two smaller
women orbiting around her.
Al Bundy (Married With Children)
%%
Teenage metalchicks are cool.
Butt-head
%%
How does that chick expect to sell any records
without cleavage?
Butt-head, on Siouxie Sioux
%%
Uh... one of those hard-shelled peppercorns, heh heh...
Texas Chainsaw Massacre II; cannibal clan leader
when finding a human fingerbone in his price chili.
%%
So we walk day and night
by the big cooling tower
they own the plant
but we have the power
The Simpsons (power plant workers on strike)
%%
and a Bluejay squeaks
its beak open
an inch above a creek
gone fishing for a week
Captain Beefheart: The Dust Blows Forward
'n the Dust Blows Back (1969)
%%
Madam, you have suffered an emotional shock.
I will notify a rape crisis center.
Robocop
%%
What are you doing, BUTT-HEAD? Why is it that
EVERY DAY you boys have to test your limits with me?
*sniff*
You boys smell like a TURD!
What is the MATTER with you?
%%
I'm not sure, Beavis, but I think it sucks.
%%
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to
pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn
the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
%%
Quite naturally, holders of power wish to suppress wild research.
Unrestricted questing for knowledge has a long history of
producing unwanted competition. The powerful want a "safe line
of investigations," which will develop only those products and
ideas that can be controlled and, most important, that will
allow the larger part of the benefits to be captured by
inside investors.
Frank Herbert: Heretics of Dune
%%
Celibacy may very well be the greatest perversion.
Polish saying
%%
- ...touring the whole world.
- You seem a bit tired. Shouldn't you have a holiday?
- No, I've just smoked a joint, actually.
- Is that true?
- Yeah. [In broken Swedish-Danish:] I have smoked a
big, big joint. I am a bit stoned.
member of great Australian rock band The Church
(Marty Wilson-Piper?), interviewed in Swedish radio
at Roskilde
%%
"Furthermore, in combination with the two hundred and five
sexual positions---"
"Two hundred and five?" Sirafa was clearly startled. "Surely,
you don't mean---"
"More, actually, if you count minor variations. I am an
Imprinter, which means I have mastered the three hundred steps
of orgasmic amplification!"
Frank Herbert: Heretics of Dune
%%
A whole world have asked themselves how president Ronald Reagan
has managed to keep his powerful vitality, youthfullness and
energy at such a high age, even though he has one of the toughest
jobs in the world.
commercial for "The President's Power" pollen energy capsules
%%
when love is gone
there is always justice
and when justice is gone
there is always force
and when force is gone
there is always mama
Laurie Anderson
%%
The noice of the world will shut out
the Voice of God - if you let it.
Oprah Winfrey
%%
She is _so_ liberal that she even objects to the death penalty
for criminals who prey on children!
campaign message against some American political candidate
%%
America MUST be destroyed.
GWAR
%%
the SNOT-GREEN sea
the SCROTUM-TIGHTENING sea ---
Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel
%%
the inscription on my tombstone reads:
"wish you were here"
Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel
%%
- The future sucks! Change it!
- I'm pretty cool, Beavis, but I can't change the future.
%%
the European Union - the PL/1 of international politics
%%
that was cool
when we killed that frog
it won't croak again
haiku by Butt-head
%%
No breakfast in Hell, eh?
Jeanette Winterson
%%
Check it out, Beavis. There comes Krokus to kick their ass.
It's the night of the living bands that suck.
Butt-head, watching an Accept video in 'Tornado'
%%
Nice try, Beaver and Butt-plug...
Earl in Beavis & Butt-head: 'Incognito'
%%
%%%Mozart? I'd rather listen to the sound of
%%%an ambulance, driving up to my own house!
%%% J÷rgen Grahn
%%
- Hey, where's the TV?
- The TV is the Devil's tool.
- Yeah. Where is it?
Beavis & Butt-head in 'Beavis & Butt-head meet God'
%%
These chicks should marry GWAR.
Butt-head (about Bananarama)
%%
The rich get richer, the poor are getting poorer.
Time Zone (John Lydon and Africa Bambaata):
'World Destruction', mid-80s.
%%
"The Gods blast you with a wide-angle disintegration ray -more-
Your shield of reflection reflects most of the ray -more-
Your boots fail to reflect some of the ray -more-
Your helmet fails to reflect some of the ray -more-
You weren't wearing 2,000,000 sunblock -more-
You are having a REALLY bad day."
chowes@kits.sfu.ca (Charles Howes)
%%
Stupid Reasons Why England Should Retain the Monarchy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#4 - Someone has to defend Britain against the threat of being
overrun by dangerous grouse, deer and foxes.
%%
In article <93139.135848U21187@uicvm.uic.edu> John Schulien <U21187@uicvm.uic.edu> writes:
>First day of college. I move into the dorm and meet my new roommate.
>
> John: Hi, my name's John.
>
> Joe: Hi, my name's Joe.
>
> Joe: John, how is your relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.
%%
- Hey! that's not funny! My grandfather died in a concentration camp!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, he fell off a guard tower and broke his neck!
%%
|> I spoke to Mark, guitarist for the Cranes last week
|> and he told me that Jim Thirlwell always specifies that
|> the money he gets paid for his remixes be sent to his mother
|> in Scotland. What a guy!
That's really odd considering his Mother lives in Melbourne!
%%
"Please put down your weapon! - You have 20 seconds to comply!"
[Suit drops his gun to the floor.]
"You now have 15 seconds to comply!"
Robocop
%%
"You will live out your life in a pain amplifier"
Dune (the movie)
%%
"The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the video ring."
Videodrome
%%
Momma, baby wants to fuck...
Blue Velvet
%%
%%%"It's better to burn out than to fade away!"
%%% Highlander
%%
"Leatherface, you bitch! Ho Chi Minh! 'Nam flashback! 'Nam flashback!"
Texas Chainsaw Massacre II
%%
What we are looking at is good and evil, right and wrong. A new world order!
George Bush (Ministry: N.W.O.)
%%
My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today, that I've just signed
legislation that'll outlaw Russia forever. We'll begin bombing in five
minutes.
Ronald Reagan
%%
Do you know what she did? Your cunting daughter?
The Exorcist
%%
Personally, I believe none of it. What I do believe is that progress
will eventually have its way, over the dead bodies of any corporations
who try to hold things back for their benefit. It may not be the Amiga
that'll win out in the end. It may not be Unix. But, God willing, it
won't be Microsoft either.
Charlie_Gibbs@mindlink.bc.ca
%%
"IBM is not a necessary evil. IBM is not necessary."
Ted Nelson
%%
Today, computers don't have personality. Your average PC owner sees his
machine as a black box which he hates because an even faster one just came
out for half the price of his old one. I speak the truth here... a
PC may be fast and colorful and it may have ]<00L games but it doesn't
have a _soul_.
Mark 'Mark' Sachs <MBS110@psuvm.psu.edu>
%%
In "Scott Fitzgerald: A Biography," Jeffrey Meyers creates a sordid,
voyeuristic portrait of the author as a silly, self-destructive
alcoholic; he prattles on at length about his subject's sexual
performance and endowments, going so far as to cite witnesses who
supposedly saw Fitzgerald's penis.
From Michiko Kakutani's article "Biography as a Blood Sport" in the
5/20/94 New York Times
%%
In short, the bubble sort seems to have nothing to recommend it, except
a catchy name and the fact that it leads to some interesting theoretical
problems.
Don Knuth
%%
They will get my Amiga from me when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.
rudd@ug1.plk.af.mil (Douglas Rudd)
%%
All the self-pitying is a bottomless pit around here!
Jake, "Melrose Place"
%%
Key chuckles. 'If Skinny Puppy, in terms of the movie _Alien_, is a
chest-burster, then Doubting Thomas is more of a face-hugger,' he informs,
as if that were an explanation.
Keyboard Magazine, Jan '92
%%
Neither Kadaffi or the Ayatollah Khomeni are the Antichrist, but they
will contribute to the destabilization of the region that will aid
his rise to power.
Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
The Antichrist will study and emulate Hitler and his techniques
avidly to try to surpass him and avoid his mistakes. He will have
access to books and material not available or known to the general
public. It will be possible for him to obtain secret Nazi documents
on Hitler and he will study them very carefully.
Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Aliens tried to contact us in the Siberia Tunguska explosion in the
1900s. Similarly they will again visit the earth. The Soviets are
doing secret weapons research and have energy fields guarding
northern approach corridors. Another spaceship will arrive,
paralleling this incident. When the aliens' spaceship enters the
atmosphere the fields will cause it to malfunction and many of the
crew are killed.
Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Somewhere in western North America a meteorite will be found by miners
looking for ore. They think it might be radioactive but it is a
useful new element on the periodical table.
Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Finally, Nostradamus seems to allude to a sort of future Inquisition
and period of martial law during which materials conflicting with
the Antichrist's philosophy and agenda of world conquest will be
suppressed. So I am "seizing the moment" and consolodating a large
amount of material for maximum distribution in a short amount of
time while cyberspace is still healthy, innocent, robust, and
unadulterated. I encourage you to help redistribute this document as
widely as possible in any form in any forum or medium.
nanomius@netcom.com
%%
You are a Beautiful Woman. Huh-huh huh. Come with me. Huh huh.
%%
%% British Birds (ornithologist's magazine)
%%
"I have never seen an Andalusian Hemipode, and, when I do, I want to see an
'Andalusian Hemipode', not a 'Striped Button-Quail', which makes it sound
like just another boring button-quail."
"But Fred, surely you _have_ seen Andalusian Hemipode?"
"No! It's a species I've always wanted to see, but never have."
"But Fred, you've seen Button-Quail in Ethiopia, Little Button-Quail in
Thailand, and Little Bustard-Quail in India, haven't you?"
"Yes", said Fred.
"Well, those are merely alternative names for Andalusian Hemipode",
revealed Tom.
British Birds
%%
The apparent size of the bird I am watching is only
that of the species which I think it is.
(the late) Peter Grant, British Birds
%%
One point remains unresolved by Per Alstr÷m and Urban Olsson's
detailed paper on Red-necked Calidris ruficollis and Long-toed
Stints C. subminuta: do the authors advocate the use of a field glass
or a hand glass to distinguish such feather detail?
John Cantelo, Kent
%%
An awful motorcrash. Dangerous terribly bloody motorcrash,
destructive motorcrash.
Sugarcubes: Motorcrash
%%
...and the eunuchs!
Black Adder
%%
- Just _what_ is it that you wanna do?
- We're gonna get loaded - and we're gonna have a good time.
Primal Scream - Loaded
%%
Arbeit macht Frei.
%%
But Agak, realizing his danger, began to suck. No longer would this be a
pleasurable ritual shared with his sister. He must suck at the energy of
the universe if he were to find the strength to defend himself, to gain
what he needed to destroy his attacker, the slayer of his sister.
Worlds died as Agak sucked.
Michael Moorcock: The Sailor On The Seas Of Fate
%%
%%%Worlds died as Agak sucked.
%%%
%%% Michael Moorcock: The Sailor On The Seas Of Fate
%%
Come to think of it, there are already a million
monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is
NOTHING like Shakespeare.
Blair Houghton
%%
I am the Great Cornholio. I want T-P for my bunghole!
Are you threatening me?
Beavis: "The Great Cornholio"
%%
Lake Titihaka! Lake Titihaka! Titihaka!
Beavis's Cornholio impersonations
%%
- Telling the future is cool. I didn't know you were a psychic.
- Don't you remember all those tests the school nurse made me take?
- They said you were _psycho_, Beavis.
- Oh yeah. Heh. Heh-heh.
%%
In the meantime, and if you're a boy: do not despair. Be true to your feelings.
Times will change, and your oppression will end.
Message on NAMBLAs (North American Man/Boy Love Association)
answering machine.
%%
But if you're a man: Be brave. Be safe. And, above all,
be _proud_ to be a boy-lover.
Message on NAMBLAs (North American Man/Boy Love Association)
answering machine.
%%
So when do I get to sing "My Way"?
When do I get
to feel like Sinatra felt?
When do I get to do it my way?
When do I get
to feel like Sid Vicious felt?
Sparks
%%
I don't avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my Essence.
Ripper in "Dr. Strangelove"
%%
We wear the same clothes, 'cause we feel the same.
Blur: End of the century
%%
He is seeing monsters.
He is loosing his mind and he feels it going.
LSD 25: the documentary
%%
COME IN, COMMAND SHIP
SEND COMMAND TROUPS IMMEDIATELY
PLENTY OF HUMAN PROTEIN
AN EASY PREY.
"Prey" (english horror/sf movie)
%%
C'mon in the kitchen... damn right!
Bobby Gillespie: Jailbird (Dust Brothers remix)
%%
%%%Life's like a jig-saw - you get the straight bits, but there's
%%%plenty missing in the middle.
%%% XTC: All of a sudden
%%
So how do you think it feels
when you're sleeping by yourself
and the one you love the one you love
is sleeping with someone else?
Triffids: Wide Open Road
%%
I mean, after all, it's just a road.
It's Immaterial: Driving away from home
%%
He is so dark and moody,
she is a sunshine girl.
Saint Etienne: Pale Movie
%%
Peace to _you_, my friend. And happiness.
ST:TOS: The Return of the Archons
%%
You speak strange, friend. Are you not of the Body?
ST:TOS: The Return of the Archons
%%
- When you see a girl in a window like that, and she's got her back all
bent out of shape, it means she is _hot_.
- I don't know, Butt-head,, I think she was injured.
- Whatever it is, she's givin' me a stiffy.
Beavis & Butt-head "The Great Cornholio"
%%
no, I couldn't let it do that. It would be easier to get to sleep by
twitching my head over and over than letting the feelound conquer my brain.
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. it's 2 in the morning and I HAVE TO GET TO SLEEP!!
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
No!! I have to do SOMETHING!! ANYTHING!! I can't go on like this all night!!!
What can I do? No -- my friend is asleep, and won't listen to me... anyways,
even if I told him, he couldn't do anything.. What would he do anyways, take me
to a hospital where they'd know I did drugs? Tell his parents so they'd know
I did drugs? No.. nothing can be done...... Nothin... it's so late, nothing
can be done... Oh my god, this sucks. This really sucks big time.. I'll never
do any drug again.. NEVER NEVER NEVER... It's not worth it ... This SUCKS...
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
someone on alt.drugs describes his first
(and only) nutmeg experience
%%
- Is this one of those Alvin Klein commercials?
"A new flagrance from Alvin Klein - butt".
- Yeah. "Butts. For men".
Beavis & Butt-head, watching a Chris Isaak video
%%
Kill 'em, kill' em, kill 'em all, kill 'em all...
Star Trek: Wolf in the Fold
%%
- Conan, what is best in life?
- To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and
to hear the lamentation of their women!
%%
Crom!
%%
'The meek shall inherit the earth--the rest of us will move on...'
Sameer Parekh
%%
C++ was invented because Vogon poetry
wasn't destructive enough. -anonymous
%%
One is enough.
British twitcher, having seen one Wilson's Petrel after a whole day
of chum dumping.
%%
I shall go to the mines. I no longer want to be limited to the clouds.
Star Trek
%%
- Ace of Base suck.
- This isn't Ace of Base, Beavis.
- I know that, Butt-head. I just felt like saying Ace of Base suck.
I mean, these guys suck too, but Ace of Base - ooh, they _suck_!
%%
- Lightweighter...
Primal Scream member (Throb?) about River Phoenix overdosing on heroin
%%
Tonight, we salute the silver anniversary of the Great Springfield Tire
Yard Fire. Twenty-five years, and still burning strong!
The Simpsons: Flaming Moe's
%%
I'll protect you from the Hooded Crow.
Keep the vampires from your door.
Holly Johnson/Frankie Goes to Hollywood
%%
Here's what I think it is: you are seeing the raw data from your eyes.
Usually, your brain acts like a filter that sorts and processes what your
eyes see into a 100% stable, coherent image. LSD and robo has taught me to
temporarily turn off that filter and see the raw image. In fact, I feel
this is what "visuals" on LSD is, the raw image from your eyes as
interpreted by your subconcious.
Preston Landers
%%
The closest you've ever come to actually _making_ it with a bird, is
locking yourself up in your bedroom with a copy of 'Amateur Photographer'
and a jar of hand creme!
"Bottom"
%%
jamie@cdevil.unx.sas.com (James Cooper) writes:
>For instance, I'm still amazed Apple was even able to bring any "look &
>feel" suits to court, considering how much of the XEROX PARC stuff they
>had copied themselves... but then, not many of the people involved in
>the suits (lawyers & judges) would have had any idea that XEROX PARC is
>*not* a favorite picnic site... at least, not unless you're a computer
>nerd... :-)
%%
The fact that necrophilia exists doesn't bother me. With so many billions
of people in the world there are bound to be a few with some really bizarre
kinks. What bothers me is the fact that necrophilia is so common that they
had to create a word for it.
%%
Q: What's the bad part about fucking 6 year-old girls?
A: You have to wash the blood off your clown suit.
Q: What's the good part?
A: When you turn them around, they look just like 6 year-old boys.
alt.tasteless.jokes
%%
You will be a winner today, pick a fight with a four year old.
%%
Q: What does a greek girl and catfish have in common?
A: One smells and has whiskers, the other lives under water!
alt.tasteless.jokes
%%
Q: Why did the pedophile cross the road?
A: Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.
alt.tasteless.jokes
%%
There once was a girl from Hoboken
Who claimed that here cherry was broken
From riding a bike down a coblestone pike
But really it was broken from pokin'
%%
"Last year we began selling joshikosei used panties in our stores, and
sales are so good that we've invested in vending machines for them. But
fresh saliva from joshikosei is proving to be even more popular."
Shukan Isomura of the Wakayama company
(joshikosei - japanese schoolgirls)
%%
THE SPIKED PUNISHMENT COLLAR
Furnished with spikes on all sides, this instrument, which weighs
more than 5 kilogrammes is located around the victim's neck. Often it
becomes a means of execution; the erosion of the flesh, shoulders & jaw
down to the bone. The spreading gangrene, the sepsis, the final erosion
of the bones themselves (esp. The exposed vertebrae) brings on lethal
collapses in a short time. The collar offers the advantage of economy
and money; it's function is passive & static and does not require the pay
of an executioner, it works day & night, without creating problems or
requiring maintenance...
Robert Held (ed.): INQUISITION/INQUISICION
%%
"Commodore started going downhill once Lionel Richie left."
%%
>>} And then there's the coup de grace, the "information superhighway." When is
>>} someone going to point out that the Internet existed before America Online
>>} was popular?
Excuse me? It can't have been around a long time. Neither Apple nor
IBM has "invented" it yet...
comp.sys.amiga.misc
%%
"Attacks on NAMBLA stink of politics, witchhunting for profit,
humorlessness, vanity, anger and ignorance,.. .
I'm a member of NAMBLA because I love boys too - everybody does,
who has a little humanity."
- Allen Ginsberg, poet
%%
- Is there a doctor in the audience?
- [Man standing up:] I am a doctor.
- Hey, What's up, Doc?
Bugs Bunny: Hair-raising hare
%%
>Actual PC doubleplusungood concepts series:
> Freedom of speech: most PC universities have speech restrictions of some
> sort. The University of Connecticut officially banned "inappropriately
> directed laughter" and "exclusion of students from conversations."
%%
In article <768949480snz@jhall.demon.co.uk>,
John Hall <John@jhall.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>Can anyone tell me where I can find a viewer for .WAV files, please?
alt.best.of.internet
%%
Drayton Sawyer will always be my Texas chili champion.
%%
Legal Notice: Exporting 'personal data' to non-European countries without
special license issued by the Computer Inspection Agency ('Datainspektionen')
for each specific case (message) is a crime. Personal data include names,
even my name. If you read this message outside Europe, I'm a criminal.
d9bertil@dtek.chalmers.se (Bertil Jonell)
%%
Authors Note: This Guide is intended to be a reference for
people who appreciate the most beautiful creatures on Earth,
boys. The rating is based on many factors, the cuteness of
the boy, how much of the boy we get to see (ie shirtless,
nude), and the story. Juggling all these various factors
is difficult but hopefully the rating becomes a measurement
of the best OVERALL viewing experience. My thanks to
everyone who made suggestions/comments. I tried to view as
many of your recommendations as possible and will continue
to do so. As always comments/suggestions about this edition
are welcome.
The Boy Watchers Guide To The Movies
%%
Comments: Young boy and girl get trapped on desert island
need I say more? Only first 30 minutes are worth watching.
The Boy Watchers Guide To The Movies,
reviewing "The Blue Lagoon"
%%
Title: Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
Boy Star(s): Unknown
CC Rating: ***1/2*
Comments: Max stumbles upon a whole colony of shirtless
boys.
The Boy Watchers Guide To The Movies
%%
I don't have to sell my soul -
he's already in me
Stone Roses: I wanna be adored
%%
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here - this is the war room!
Dr Strangelove
%%
Go away! Beavis is not dog food. He's _worm_ food. Huh huh - huh.
%%
%% 'the black flower' (rob peck)
Get me Pendleton!
%%
%% (the original amiga dev team)
We made the Amiga - they fucked it up.
%%
%%%from the book 'Psychedelic drugs reconsidered':
%%%
%%%For thousands of years on all inhabited continents the belladonna alkaloids
%%%have been a tool of shamans and sorcerers, who take advantage of the
%%%sensations they evok to leave their bodies, soar through the air, or change
%%%into an animal in their imagination.
%%
If you want hallucinations this is your drug. However "you" are not there
to experience them.
chris@hacktic.nl: Datura effects
%%
Witches are actually shrubs growing in front yards (they live underground,
the branches are the hairs) Lots and lots of little bugs hand each other
berries along branches.
chris@hacktic.nl on Datura
%%
%% * * * from the PJ Harvey mailing list:
%%
1) does it seem to anyone besides me that "sheela-na-gig", especially with the
addition of the jesus statue shown in the video and considering that a light
flashes on him when polly sings "he said"...that the song could be interpreted
as a description of the conflict between matrifocal, goddess centered pagan
religion and patriarchal christianity? (---)
LMERIWETHER@macalstr.edu, analyzing a PJ Harvey song
%%
Point 3: I didn't hear a lot about women trying to make themselves "pretty" in
"sheela-na-gig" (vis-a-vis "dress", for example). I heard more of a sexual
freedom being twisted to whorish accusations by the man/men in question, who
does not acknowledge the beauty of fertility or strength in a woman (two
characteristics considered important in pagan/rural culture for producing
children and working in the fields.) Then a rejection of those accusations and
a celebration of independence on the part of the woman: "Gonna take my hips to
a man who cares, heard it before, no more."
skye meriwether <LMERIWETHER@macalstr.edu>,
analyzing a PJ Harvey song
%%
I think rape, murder, small-town hicks, etc are important to our society,
but love and sexism are more widespread...
lancer@wpi.wpi.edu
%%
%%%"I shall never again fly through a thunderstorm,
%%% unless the Fatherland should demand it."
%%% -Manfred von Richthofen
%%
%% about the 50 ft queenie:
"She's big 'cause she feasts on men and that's a
good form of protein."
Polly Jean Harvey
%%
Amongst other things, Polly reveals that she has only recently started
having periods, due to her hormones being screwed up, and that as a child her
mother always said she was repressing her feminine side.
%%
%% in a PJ Harvey fan's .sig:
%%
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
%%
"We were playing in Yeovil, first date of our last tour," she says,
shouldering her knapsack. "And someone was in the dressing room stuffing
all my writing up his sweater." She puts her hands on her hips, imitating
the confrontation. "He said, 'I haven't got anything,' and it all fell
out. I very nearly did hit him. I've never hit anybody, but I could've
hit him."
P J Harvey
%%
Hi, my name is Lolita, an' this here is Tanqueray. Since we're all about
to die, we were wondering if you'd like to be our last boyfriends on earth?
-Beavis & Butt-head: Tornado
%%
I've seen the future baby - it is murder
Leonard Cohen
%%
Aaargh! Don't touch me, asswipe! I'll wound your inner child.
Then I'll kick your ass.
Beavis
%%
when I'm watching my TV and a man comes on and tells
me how white my shirts could be and I can't be a man
'cause I don't smoke
Stones: Satisfaction
(later used for TV commerical: 'Snickers really satisfies you')
%%
We don't need a thinker! We need a doer - someone who will act without
concidering the consequences!
Homer Simpson (episode #1F09)
%%
Christopher Mayhew says there is no time there is no space
The Shamen: Christopher Mayhew says
%%
Mixing pop and politics, they ask me what the use is. I offer 'em
embarressment and my usual excuses. While lookin' down the corridor, out
to where the band is waiting, I'm looking for the Great Leap Forward.
Billy Bragg
%%
%% a Lanius test run:
Bird snatterand is not in the template file!
'snitterand' is an unknown bird!
%%
%%%- _What_ are you doing?
%%%- Nothing! I've been clean for years now..!
%%% David Addison (Bruce Willis) in Moonlightling, the
%%% russian assassin episode
%%
we're going downtown on the escalator
we're blonde-haired teenage terminators
the camera's watching when we go shopping
better step aside cause we just ain't stopping
Shampoo: viva la megababes
%%
i got a letter from the government the other day
opened it and read it
it said they were suckers
they wanted me for the army or whatever
bitching me, giving a damn i said never
public enemy: black steel
%%
It seemed to me that the psychic effect were emanating from the
`ajna chakra', the so-called `third eye' -- a locus above
and between the eyes.
%%
night after night
i think about your smile
night after night
but only for a while
Laverne & Shirley (Lenny & the Squigtones)
%%
To iterate is human,
recurse is divine
%%
%% some more fortunes from fortunes.unix
%%
43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
%%
99 blocks of crud on the disk,
99 blocks of crud!
You patch a bug, and dump it again:
100 blocks of crud on the disk!
100 blocks of crud on the disk,
100 blocks of crud!
You patch a bug, and dump it again:
101 blocks of crud on the disk! ...
%%
A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
Avoid him. He's a Commie.
%%
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
-- Herbert Prochnow
%%
A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their
arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because
Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply
incredible surgical feat."
The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the
Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of
that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an
architect."
The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said,
"Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
%%
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
with the mouse, and asked "what do you see?" Very earnestly, the
Undergraduate replied "I see a cursor." The Hacker then quickly pressed
the boot toggle at the back of the keyboard, while simultaneously
hitting the Undergraduate over the head with a thick Interlisp Manual.
The Undergraduate was then Enlightened.
%%
A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
not worth knowing.
%%
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
%%
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
%%
Actor: So what do you do for a living?
Doris: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving
dishes for Chinese restaurants.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%%
ADA, n.:
Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
Computing. Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
awareness."
%%
After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted
many important electrical experiments. For example, in 1780 Luigi
Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two
different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current
developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer
attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led
to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today,
skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously
injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it
hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact
that it sinks like a stone.
-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
%%
After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
%%
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been
removed.
%%
Alex Haley was adopted!
%%
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
%%
All the world's a VAX,
And all the coders merely butchers;
They have their exits and their entrails;
And one int in his time plays many widths,
His sizeof being N bytes. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms.
And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun,
And shining morning face, creeping like slug
Unwillingly to school.
-- A Very Annoyed PDP-11
%%
AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
%%
America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism
to decadence without touching civilization.
-- John O'Hara
%%
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
%%
Arnold's Laws of Documentation:
(1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
(2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
(3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
first two laws.
%%
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
%%
"As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500
programs -- a process that traditionally requires some debugging."
--- USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new
computer system.
%%
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town
cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good
}
%%
Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
revitalize the corner saloon.
%%
Bug:
Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
%%
But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
-- Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing
Compilers"
%%
C, n.:
A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more
like assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or
anything else. It is either the best language available to the art
today, or it isn't.
-- Ray Simard
%%
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than
expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to
complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their
planning to reduce the time it takes.
%%
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying then without money?
-- Ogden Nash
%%
Chemicals, n.:
Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
%%
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff.
-- Peter de Vries
%%
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that
would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
maneuver. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS
OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY
UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED
IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD
WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDED AND
SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH HE KNOBS,
RIGHT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS,
RIGHT??? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE
FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?
-- Dave Barry, "Read This First!"
%%
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
%%
Dear Lord:
I just want *one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
the other hand" again.
%%
Disc space -- the final frontier!
%%
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
%%
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
%%
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to
anger.
%%
Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
%%
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
%%
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schultz
%%
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic
route!
%%
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together ...
-- Carl Zwanzig
%%
Everyone talks about apathy, but no one _does_ anything about it.
%%
Excellence is THE trend of the '80s. Walk into any shopping
mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as
"Garfield Gets Spayed", and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you
how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence",
"Grasping Hold of Excellence", "Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night
So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
%%
Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic
without looking to see whether the seeds move.
%%
Famous last words:
1. Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
2. Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
3. What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
4. We won't need reservations.
5. It's always sunny there this time of the year.
6. Don't worry, it's not loaded.
7. They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
%%
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life
forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
are a pretty neat idea ...
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the
solution set.
-- E. W. Dijkstra
%%
"Pascal is not a high-level language."
-- Steven Feiner
%%
Pascal Users:
To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the
death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half
speed.
%%
Pascal, n.:
A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
his grave if he knew about it.
%%
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
%%
The STAR WARS Song
Sung to the tune of "Lola", by the Kinks:
I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda
S-O-D-A soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda
Y-O-D-A Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Well I've been around but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a Muppet but he's wrinkled and green
Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
How he can raise me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
%%
The steady state of disks is full.
--Ken Thompson
%%
The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our
authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as
the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as
the light of seven days." Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much
radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much
as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all. The light we
receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the
Sun, so we can ignore that ... The radiation falling on Heaven will
heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to
the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much
heat as the Earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for
radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the
earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C). The exact temperature of Hell
cannot be computed ... [However] Revelations 21:8 says "But the
fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which
burneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten brimstone means
that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C. We
have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
-- From "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972
%%
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offense.
-- E. W. Dijkstra
%%
The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
%%
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
%%
THE WOMBAT
The wombat lives across the seas,
Among the far Antipodes.
He may exist on nuts and berries,
Or then again, on missionaries;
His distant habitat precludes
Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
But I would not engage the wombat
In any form of mortal combat.
%%
There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
%%
There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.
%%
There were in this country two very large monopolies. The larger of
the two had the following record: the Vietnam War, Watergate, double-
digit inflation, fuel and energy shortages, bankrupt airlines, and the
8-cent postcard. The second was responsible for such things as the
transistor, the solar cell, lasers, synthetic crystals, high fidelity
stereo recording, sound motion pictures, radio astronomy, negative
feedback, magnetic tape, magnetic "bubbles", electronic switching
systems, microwave radio and TV relay systems, information theory, the
first electrical digital computer, and the first communications
satellite. Guess which one got to tell the other how to run the
telephone business?
%%
There's no future in time travel.
%%
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
%%
This fortune intentionally not included.
%%
... This striving for excellence extends into people's
personal lives as well. When '80s people buy something, they buy the
best one, as determined by (1) price and (2) lack of availability.
Eighties people buy imported dental floss. They buy gourmet baking
soda. If an '80s couple goes to a restaurant where they have made a
reservation three weeks in advance, and they are informed that their
table is available, they stalk out immediately, because they know it is
not an excellent restaurant. If it were, it would have an enormous
crowd of excellence-oriented people like themselves waiting, their
beepers going off like crickets in the night. An excellent restaurant
wouldn't have a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of
Liza Minnelli.
-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
%%
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at
once.
%%
Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
Gary Larson
%%
"Verily and forsooth," replied Goodgulf darkly. "In the past
year strange and fearful wonders I have seen. Fields sown with barley
reap crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their
artichoke hearts. There has been a hot day in December and a blue
moon. Calendars are made with a month of Sundays and a blue-ribbon
Holstein bore alive two insurance salesmen. The earth splits and the
entrails of a goat were found tied in square knots. The face of the
sun blackens and the skies have rained down soggy potato chips."
"But what do all these things mean?" gasped Frito.
"Beats me," said Goodgulf with a shrug, "but I thought it made
good copy."
-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
%%
WARNING:
Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your
mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of
hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of
your favorite war.
%%
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
%%
What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?
-- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
%%
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is
not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space
travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
-- Robert Heinlein
%%
%% more from 'afortune.dat'
%%
It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to
students that have had prior exposure to BASIC: as potential
programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of
regeneration.
-- Dijkstra
%%
"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
%%
Spinach, carrot, and a melon - a meal fit for a nurse!
%%
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%%
Mr. Spock wears vulcanized rubbers.
%%
Scotty: Captain, we din' can reference it!
Kirk: Analysis, Mr. Spock?
Spock: Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table.
Kirk: Then it's of external origin?
Spock: Affirmative.
Kirk: Mr. Sulu, go to pass two.
Sulu: Aye aye, sir, going to pass two.
%%
Drink it down Spock, it's the "human" thing to do.
%%
%%%The President publicly apologized today to all those offended by his
%%%brother's remark, "There's more Arabs in this country than there is
%%%Jews!". Those offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers.
%%% -- Baltimore, Channel 11 News, on Jimmy Carter
%%
"Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack."
%%
%% ...end of reused cookies
%%
%% My own collection again...
%%
This is obviously one aspect of a big picture.. what looks like a
carefully worked blueprint for invasion of the planet.. Anyone who keeps
his bloody eyes open doesn't need a Harley St psychiatrist to tell him that
destructive elements enter into so-called normal sex relations: the desire
to dominate, to kill, to take over and eat the partner.. these impulses
are nomally held in check by counter impulses.. what the virus puts out of
action is the regulatory centers in the nervous system..
William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
There are imposters, `shake men', who haunt atomic installations and
victimize atomic scientists in much the same way as spurious police
officers extort money from sexual deviants in public lavatories -- In one
case a well-organized shake mob, purportoring to represent the nova poice,
confiscated cyclotrons and other atomic equipment which they subsequently
sold on the Uranian black market to support their heavy metal habits --
William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
From symbiosis to parasitism is a short step. The word is now a virus.
The flu virus may once have been a healthy lung cell. It is now a
parasitic organism that invades and damages the lungs. The word may once
have been a healthy neural cell. It is now a parasitic organism that
invades and damages the central nervous system.
William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
Modern man has lost the option of silence. Try to achieve even ten seconds
of inner silence. You will encounter a resisting organism that _forces you
to talk_. That organism is the word.
William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
There's one thing I know - child molestors _can't_ be rehabilitated.
John Walsh, 'The Manhunter'
%%
%% Released on Aminet up to this point
%%
Who are you trying to get crazy with, ere? Don't you know I'm LOCO?
Cypress Hill
%%
Of the numerous publications of this type that have made effective lay
propaganda for LSD, it is sufficient to cite just one more example: a
large-scale, illustrated article in Look magazine of September 1959.
Entitled "The Curious Story Behind the New Cary Grant," it must have
contributed enormously to the diffusion of LSD consumption. The famous
movie star had received LSD in a respected clinic in California, in the
course of a psychotherapeutic treatment. He informed the Look reporter
that he had sought inner peace his whole life long, but yoga, hypnosis, and
mysticism had not helped him. Only the treatment with LSD had made a new,
selfstrengthened man out of him, so that after three frustrating marriages
he now believed himself really able to love and make a woman happy.
Albert Hofmann: LSD - My Problem Child
%%
At the same time, the Sandoz firm received an inquiry about the supply of
lOOg LSD and 25 kg psilocybin, signed by Dr. Timothy Leary, from the
Harvard University Department of Social Relations. The requirement for
such an enormous quantity (the stated amounts correspond to 1 million doses
of LSD and 2.5 million doses of psilocybin) was based on the planned
extension of investigations to tissue, organ, and animal studies. We made
the supply of these substances contingent upon the production of an import
license on behalf of the U.S. health authorities.
Albert Hofmann: LSD - My Problem Child
%%
%% Hofmann quotes:
%%
My trough is captivated
by a morning glory blossom,
So I ask after water.
Chiyo (1702-75)
%%
%% The best/worst of cookies from a rather stupid collection:
%%
"What do I think of the American flag? Soak it in heroin, and I'll suck it."
William Burroughs
%%
"Psychedelic drugs cause paranoia, confusion, and total loss of reality
in politicians who have never taken them."
%%
"We've got to do what the liqour people did during prohibition -
dispel the cloud of illegality and danger. Psychedelic drugs must
be associated with beauty, glamour, sexuality. We need symbols of
personal freedom, High fashion. Graceful hedonism compared to
sloppy boozers"
%%
%% Yeah, right. Back to own cookies...
%%
adam strange is in my veins
and i'm so glad to know him
adam strange is in my veins
and i'm so glad to know him
so glad to know him
The Shamen: Adam strange
%%
- Settle down, Danzig.
Butt-head
%%
television
is the place where the meaning
of phrases is redefined
Beatnigs: television (drug of a nation)
%%
One nation under God
has become one nation under the influence of one drug:
television
Beatnigs: television (drug of a nation)
%%
"You saw the video,
you heard the soundtrack,
now go buy the cola."
Beatnigs: television (drug of a nation)
%%
%% The Shit List
%%
%%%Ghost Shit: You know you've shit. Theres shit on the toilet paper but
%%%there's no shit in the toilet.
%%
%%%Teflon-coated Shit: Comes out slick, clean and easy that you don't even
%%%feel it. No trace of shit on the paper. You look in the toilet bowl just
%%%to make sure you did it.
%%
%%%Gooey Shit: This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12
%%%times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in
%%%your underwear so that you won't stain them. This shit leaves permanent
%%%skid marks in the toilet bowl.
%%
%%%Second thought Shit: You've done wiping your arse. You stand up when you
%%%realise - you've got some more.
%%
%%%Pop a Vein in the Forehead Shit: This is the kind of shit that killed
%%%Elvis. It won't come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple
%%%from straining so hard.
%%
%%%Oprah Winfrey Shit: You shit so hard you lose 10 pounds.
%%
%%%Right now Shit: You'd better be within 15 seconds of a toilet. Usually
%%%has it's head poking out before you get your pants down.
%%
%%%Green Shit: Comes the day after eating big spinach salad.
%%
%%%King Kong or Commode-Choker Shit: This shit is so big that you know it
%%%won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat
%%%hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happenms at someone elses
%%%house.
%%
%%%Cork (Floater) Shit: Even after the third flush it's still floating in
%%%there. My God! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at
%%%someone elses house.
%%
%%%Wish Shit: You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times but no shit.
%%
%%%Wet Cheeks Shit: The shit hits the water sideways and makes a big splash
%%%that wets the cheeks of your arse.
%%
%%%Cement Block Shit: You wish you'd got a spinal block before you went for
%%%a shit.
%%
%%%Snake Shit: This shit is fairly soft, about as round as your thumb and is
%%%at least three feet long.
%%
%%%Mexican Food (Screaming) Shit: You'll know it's alright to eat again when
%%%your arse stops burning.
%%
%%%Beer Drunk (Grog) Shit: This happens the morning after the night before.
%%%Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually
%%%there's someone standing outside waiting to use the toilet. This kind of
%%%shit always happens at someone elses house.
%%
%%%Titanic Shit: Not a big shit but one that plummets straight down to the
%%%bottom of the toilet bowl. If you look you'll usually see a band on it.
%%%Some people claim to hear music when they do this one.
%%
%%%Political Shit: This one looks just like your favourite politician - or
%%%your favourite politician looks just like this one.
%%
There are only three cures for the blues:
eating chocolate, changing your hair, and men.
Laurette, China Beach
%%
"What _you_ thing is your heart could be another organ."
Jeanette Winterson, Oranges are not the only fruit
%%
a thought came, unbidden, into my head.
i realized that i was viewing god central. the central panel i saw was the
control panel for the entire universe.
the vision was fleeting and dissolved into a vision of much greater
clarity. a gaggle of elf-like creatures in standard issue irish elf
costumes, complete with hats, looking like they had stepped out of a
hallmark cards happy saint patricks day display, were doing strange things
with strange objects that seemed to be a weird hybrid between crystals and
machines.
a hit of dmt 10/9/84 - zarkov
%%
%%%a thought came, unbidden, into my head. i realized
%%%that i was viewing god central.
%%
This is MEDIA-BREAK. You give us three minutes,
we give you the world!
Robocop
%%
%% Review: The Essential Psychedelic Guide by D. M. Turner
%%
"Multiple Combinations" is the chapter of most interest to experienced
readers. There are several described in detail, and all of them have been
tried by the author, such as LSD + Syrian Rue + DMT + Nitrous Oxide +
Cannabis which "felt absolutely beautiful".
%%
More and more it seems that the ordering of nature is an art akin to
music -- fugues in shell and cartilage, counterpoint in fibers and
capillaries, throbbing rhythm in waves of sound, light, and nerve...
closed-eye fantasies in this world seem sometimes to be revelations of
the secret workings of the brain, of the associative and patterning
processes, the ordering systems which carry out all our sensing and
thinking ... they are for the most part ever more complex variations
upon a theme -- ferns sprouting ferns sprouting ferns in
multi-dimensional spaces, vast kaleidoscopic domes of stained glass or
mosaic, or patterns like the models of highly intricate molecules --
systems of colored balls, each one of which turns out to be a
multitude of smaller balls, forever and ever. Is this, perhaps, an
inner view of the organizing process which, when the eyes are open,
makes sense of the world even at points where it appears to be
supremely messy?
Alan Watts: The Joyous Cosmology (1962)
%%
%%%Dr John Lilly and his fellow researchers have used the drug [Ketamine]
%%%continuously for weeks. Several believe themselves to have contacted alien
%%%intelligences and two committed suicide.
%%
%%%Fact or fiction - we will never know
%%%
%%%We can't find the truth in the world
%%%We can't find the truth in the world
%%%
%%% The Shamen: Misinformation
%%
%%%the texture of your skin
%%% is wonderful
%%%and you're covered in it
%%% how very fine
%%%
%%%and the fragrance of your hair
%%% so sensual
%%%and it grows right out of you
%%% it's sublime
%%%
%%% The Shamen: Raptyouare
%%
Who by is lady's command?
Who by his own hand?
Leonard Cohen: Who by Fire
%%
I am the centre of this universe
The wind of time is blowing through me
And it's all moving relative to me,
It's all a figment of my mind
In a world that I've designed
I'm charged with cosmic energy
Has the world gone mad or is it me?
Hawkwind: Master of the Universe
%%
Don't know how long I've been awake
Wound up in an amazing state
Can't get enough and you know it's the righteous stuff
Goes up like prices at Christmas, Motorhead
You can call me Motorhead alright
Lemmy
%%
We dropped out and tuned in, spoke secret
jargon and we would not bargain for what
we had found in the days of the underground.
We believed in Guevera, we saw that head held up
and our anger welled up,
but we kept it cool.
No need for machine guns 'cause the system was
crumbling, our leaders were fumbling,
while we broke every rule.
We saw them on T.V. they'd blown their cover and we
tried to smother their voices
with sound, in the days of the underground.
Hawkwind: Days of the Underground
%%
The damages made by Leonard Cohen are immense. His songs taught a whole
generation the jargon of sorrow and the rhetoric of resignation - and are
in the process of instructing the next generation. There is only one
punishment fully worthy of the crime - Cohen must, of course, be awarded
the Nobel price.
Kristoffer Leandoer, Aftonbladet, October 28, 1988
%%
Everybody's talking at me
I don't hear a word they're saying
Only the echoes of my mind
Harry Nilsson
%%
Why's everybody actin funny?
Why's everybody look so strange?
Why's everybody look so pretty?
What do I want with all these things?
Galaxie 500: Strange
%%
- Iggy, you can't be king in Patu san. You're not asian.
- I have two words for you, pal: David Carradine in 'Kung Fu'!
Surf Ninjas
%%
Something wonderfully right
is going wrong with me
suddenly I feel the way
I always wished to be
The Shamen: Adam strange
%%
Beware of christians, especially those who say
they have a "personal relationship" with Jesus.
Self Catering (English movie)
%%
Christians are people who say they are humble, and
then claim that God is their "personal adviser".
Self Catering (English movie)
%%
%%%Ecstasy is a synthetic drug and a mixture of amphetamine and cocaine.
%%%
%%% Article in Swedish newspaper
%%
- If you cut off my head, what would I say?
Me and... me and my head... or... me and my body?
Would I let my head call itself?
Roman Polanski in "The Tennant"
%%
- It's a chicks' movie!
Tom Hanks, in "Sleepless in Seattle"
%%
%% Star Trek TOS quotes collected by
%% ukoga@mcl.ucsb.edu (Jeff "Koganuts" Koga)
%%
%% Many commented out since they are so lame.
%%
Kirk: "Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship
Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out
new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before."
--"The Corbomite Manuever"
%%
McCoy: "What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor?"
--"The Corbomite Manuever"
%%
Sulu: "I'll save you, fair maiden."
Uhura: "Sorry, neither!"
--"The Naked Time"
%%
%%%Uhura: "Don't you think I'd shut if off if I could?!"
%%%--"The Naked Time"
%%
%%%Kirk: "You're not going to admit that, for the first time in your life, you made
%%% a completely emotional decision based on desperation?"
%%%Spock: "No, sir."
%%%Kirk: "Mister Spock, you're a stubborn man!"
%%%Spock: "Yes, sir."
%%%--"The Galileo Seven"
%%
Spock: "The women!"
--"The Menagerie"
%%
%%%Spock: "There is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder."
%%%--"A Taste Of Armageddon"
%%
%%%Kirk: "You belong in a circus...right next to the dog-faced boy!"
%%%--"This Side Of Paradise"
%%
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer."
--"The Devil In The Dark"
%%
%%%Spock: "Insufficient facts always invites danger, Captain."
%%%--"Space Seed"
%%
%%%Kirk: "Well there it is...war. We didn't want it, but we've got it."
%%%Spock: "Curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not
%%% want."
%%%--"Errand Of Mercy", Stardate Unknown
%%
%%%Aelborne: "I am Aelborne."
%%%Kirk: "I am Captain James T. Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise, representing the
%%% United Federation of Planets. This is my first officer, Mister Spock."
%%%Aelborne: [To Spock] "You're most welcome, my friend."
%%%--"Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
%%%Kirk: "I would like to speak to someone in authority."
%%%Aelborne: "We, we don't have anybody in authority. But I am the chairman of
%%% the Council of Elders, perhaps I will do.
%%%--"Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
%%%Kirk: "Gentlemen, my government has informed me that the Klingons are expected
%%% to move against your planet, with the objective of making it a base of
%%% operations against the Federation. My mission, frankly, is to, uh, keep them
%%% from doing that."
%%%--"Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
%%%Kirk: "I'm a soldier, not a diplomat. I can only tell you the truth."
%%%--"Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
%%%Kirk: "So, we're stranded here, in the middle of a Klingon occupation army."
%%%Spock: "So it would seem. Not a very pleasant prospect."
%%%Kirk: "You have a gift for understatement, Mister Spock. It's not a very
%%% pleasant prospect at all."
%%%--"Errand Of Mercy", Stardaet 3198.4
%%
%%%Kor: "Where is your smile?"
%%%Kirk: "My what?"
%%%Kor: "The *stupid*, idiotic smile everyone else seems to be wearing."
%%%--"Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
%%%Spock: "I'm attempting to construct a mnemonic memory circuit, using stone
%%% knives and bearskins."
%%%--"The City On The Edge Of Forever"
%%
%%%McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist."
%%%--"The City On The Edge Of Forever"
%%
Kirk: "Spock, comment."
Spock: "Very bad poetry."
--"Catspaw"
%%
%%%Uhura: "It's a big galaxy, Mister Scott."
%%%Scott: "Aye."
%%%--"Metamorphosis"
%%
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not an escalator."
--"Friday's Child"
%%
%%%Kirk: "Most mythology has its basis in fact."
%%%--"Who Mourns For Adonais?"
%%
%%%Kirk: "Lieutenant, you have your orders and your duty."
%%%Palamas: "Yes, sir. My orders...and my duty."
%%%--"Who Mourns For Adonais?"
%%
%%%Apollo: "I am Apollo. I've chosen you."
%%%Palamas: "I'm sure that's very flattering..."
%%%--"Who Mourns For Adonais?"
%%
%%%Kirk: "Would it have hurt us a little just to gather few laurel leaves?"
%%%--"Who Mourns For Adonais?"
%%
%%%[How can the Enterprise crew spend the rest of their lives on Apollo's planet?]
%%%Apollo: "Kill a deer!"
%%%--"Who Mourns For Adonais?"
%%
%%%Spock: 'Doctor, if you don't cease your meddling, I will most certainly break
%%% your neck!'
%%%--"Amok Time"
%%
%%%Spock: "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing as
%%% wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
%%%--"Amok Time"
%%
%%%Kirk: "Gentlemen, *beam* me aboard."
%%%--"The Doomsday Machine"
%%
%%%Kirk: "Mister Spock, do you know anyone on this ship who even remotely resembles
%%% Satan?"
%%%--"The Apple"
%%
%%%Chekov: "[Scotch] was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad."
%%%--"The Trouble With Tribbles"
%%
%%%Scott: "He called you a tin-plated, overbearing dictator with delusions of
%%% Godhood!"
%%%Kirk: "And *that's* when you hit him!"
%%%Scott: "Ah, no, sir. We're big enough to take a *few* insults!"
%%%--"The Trouble With Tribbles"
%%
%%%Scott: "I beamed the whole kit and kaboodle over to the Klingons' engine room...
%%% where they'll be no tribble at all."
%%%--"The Trouble With Tribbles"
%%
%%%McCoy: "Behold! I am the Archangel Garbriel!"
%%%--"Bread and Circuses"
%%
%%%Miramanee: "There are no lacings...how is this thing removed?"
%%%--"The Paradise Syndrome"
%%
%%%McCoy: "Where're you gonna find Spock's brain?"
%%%Kirk: "Is this a trick question, Bones?"
%%%--"Spock's Brain"
%%
Luma: "You are not Morg...you are not Imorg."
--"Spock's Brain"
%%
%%%Kara: "Brain and brain! What is brain?!"
%%%--"Spock's Brain"
%%
%%%McCoy: "Of course...a child could do it!"
%%%--"Spock's Brian"
%%
%%%Kirk: "In the heart, in the head, I won't stay dead."
%%%--"Day Of The Dove"
%%
%% Back to non-ST quotes
%%
Balrog Recovery Plan
The Endangered Species Act of 1973 requires that a recovery plan be
devised for an species that becomes listed as endangered. A species is
considered endangered if the available evidence indicates that the species is
likely to become extinct in a significant portion, if not all, of its range.
On April 30, 1993, the United States Fish and Wildlife Service
declared the Balrog to be an endangered species, on the basis of its low
fecundity and of hunting of the Balrog within its home range.
The Balrog is a large, quick, fiery creature that feeds upon a variety
of weaker organisms. While its defenses against natural enemies are many
(its fiery breath being the most notable), its low rate of reproduction (zero),
places it in danger of extinction if some Balrog hunter should actually
succeed in his task.
It is the goal, therefore, of the recovery plan for the Balrog to
increase the number of Balrogs present in the wild, to enable them to withstand
assaults from predators, primarily dungeon adventurers. The current size of
the population (one) is clearly insufficient to perform this task.
The recovery plan consists of three parts:
1. Make hunting of the Balrog illegal - infractions will be punishable
by mandatory retirement of hunters.
2. Implement a restocking program. FWS rangers will venture down into
the habitat of the Balrog, and attempt to clone any individuals the encounter.
While this does nothing to improve the genetic diversity of the Balrog
population, it will at least decrease the odds of extinction.
3. Research to determine the mating habits of the Balrog, and how to
encourage breeding in the wild. This is clearly a long range goal.
It is the hope the the Fish and Wildlife Service that the long term
survival of this species can be insured with the above recovery plan. The
FWS anticipates only minimal economic impact of this plan, which will involve
primarily the setting aside of regions 2500 ft and down, which are still rich
in mithril.
For any further information, contact the Fish and Wildlife Service
directly in Washington, D.C.
Matt Bernhardt (mjb@acsu.buffalo.edu): Balrog Recovery Plan
(posting to rec.games.moria)
%%
No, it isn't. FSP is cracked up to be an underground society, based on
security by obscurity. The fact that this newsgroup exists is
undermining what a lot of people want to use FSP for.
alt.comp.fsp
%%
JUST TYPE QUIT!
alt.mudders.anonymous
%%
However, this tendency towards realism by the media still only applies to
the quality broadsheets and television, and has failed to filter through to
the British tabloids, who still cover drug stories in the traditional
shock-horror fashion. In an article titled "The myth of drug takers in the
mass media" (Young, 1973) Jock Young has pointed out that the media's
portrayal of drug stories is consistently biased. This bias is not a
function of random ignorance on the part of journalists(2), but is grounded
in the media's assumption of a consensual ideology that governs the writing
of newspaper articles. Most drug stories rely upon a number of myths,
myths that were identified and shown to be untrue as early as 1940 by the
American pioneer of Harm Reduction, sociologist Alfred Lindesmith
(Lindesmith, 1940). These myths are rooted in moral indignation, and are
aimed at bulwarking the hypothetical world of the normal citizen and
blinkering the audience to deviant realities that exist outside this
imaginary consensus.
McDermott, Matthews: Ecstasy in the UK
%%
The central issue here is one that is rarely addressed in public
debates. The question is whether a state of intoxication should be
considered an inherently immoral state.
McDermott, Matthews: Ecstasy in the UK
%%
Yes, we know whats going on. All too well, most of us just want to escape,
into television reality, into drug-induced realities, and us at the net,
into net-reality... Speaking doesn't do much, too little too slowly...
this whole race needs a boot in the head before getting it. The kicker is
Mother Nature, and the boot is DMT.
N. Ipo, Finnish DMT-user
%%
Elric let his mind drift about in time, encompassing past, present and
future and forming it into a whole - a pattern.
He was suspicious of pattern, disliking shape, for he did not trust it.
To him, life was chaotic, chance-dominated, unpredictable. It was a trick,
an illusion of the mind, to be able to see a pattern to it.
Michael Moorcock: Stormbringer
%%
"The light at the end of the tunnel is a freight train headed my way."
Foetus Interruptus: The Diptomaniac Kiss
%%
I kick ass for The Lord!
The priest in ''Braindead''
%%
What? No PUDDING ???
Braindead
%%
%% From my "Philadelphia Tower" vision:
%%
"Excuse me... were you the last one to play tennis
with my so-called 'girlfriend' at the top of the
Philadelphia Tower?"
%%
Plus, this week they were broadcasting from and flogging drink
specials at a totally lame Raleigh bar/club. A couple of direct quotes
from her: "Alright!! We're partyin'! We've got some Offspring!!
Woooooo!!!" and "White Zombie rocks!!" It's really sad and she deserves
better.
lamo@mc.duke.edu; What really happened to Michelle Shocked
%%
I'm NOT Politically Correct, but that's because I'm "Sensitivity Challenged."
Jim Cooper's .sig
%%
%% From the Top Sample Sources List
%%
Wake up, time to die...
Bladerunner
%%
The television screen is the retina of the minds eye, therefore the
televison screen is part of the physical structure of the brain, therefore
whatever appears on the television screen, emerges as raw experience for
those who watch it, therefore television is reality, and reality is less
than television.
Videodrome
%%
Big is back...
...because bigger is better, an american tradition!
Robocop
%%
%%%Long live the new flesh!
%%%
%%% Videodrome
%%
Big guns, big fucking guns! That's where we're going, to get big guns.
Split Second
%%
Don't mention the war!
Fawlty Towers
%%
Frank is not dead, he just smells funny.